I had the fleeting idea of using the surname Hatake.
Then immediately threw it into the mental trash bin, set it on fire, and danced on the ashes.
As if I'd ever voluntarily call myself that. Please, I'm unhinged, not suicidal.
The "Hatake" brand is basically cursed at this point. I'm not trying to trigger Uchiha Obito into some sort of apocalyptic meltdown. The man's already one bad memory away from razing a continent. Let's not push it.
Anyway, while Obito was busy being cryptic and broody, I fine-tuned my muscle tension, tweaked my posture just so, and stood in front of Uchiha Itachi with what I hoped was casual indifference.
Not a care in the world. The living embodiment of "unbothered."
Apparently, I pulled it off, because Obito was squinting at me like I was some kind of enigma with legs.
"Goko?" he muttered.
Weird name, right? Totally fake. Made it up on the fly. Sue me.
Never heard of it before, have you, Obito? That's the point. Keeps people guessing.
And yet, I was the first person to stand so nonchalantly in the face of his legendary bloodlust. Kinda flattering, really.
Obito tilted his head slightly, tossing the sword in his hand like he was weighing whether to kill me with it or just poke me for fun. His black robe fluttered dramatically in the wind, because of course it did. Villains and their wind machines.
"What's your deal?" he seemed to wonder aloud.
Fair question.
But then—his gaze sharpened.
Hair color. Outfit. Attitude.
Recognition flickered behind that creepy mask of his. His lips twitched slightly, as if amused... or annoyed. Maybe both.
Wait. No. No no no.
Is he—? Oh God.
He's imagining me as Kakashi in drag, isn't he?
Ugh.
Obito visibly shook his head, like he was trying to exorcise the image from his mind. (Same, bro. Same.)
Still, he stared harder at me now. More suspicious. Less bored.
"This can't be Kakashi's kid," he probably reasoned. "Not with that timeline. But maybe... a friend?"
And just like that, I saw it—the dark flicker of something breaking inside him.
The moment he thought, After everything... Kakashi made a new friend? The man who killed Rin. The man who left me behind. The man who got to live a normal life.
A life with people like her in it.
Yep. He was spiraling. Again.
Great. Just great. I broke the villain.
Maybe Kakashi shouldn't have gone so hard in the last ramen competition. Pretty sure Obito's still salty about it.
I swear, being the catalyst for someone's villain arc wasn't on my bingo card today.
Just as Obito started really simmering, Itachi—poor, still-breathing Itachi—took a shaky step forward, his bloodied frame somehow managing to look dignified.
"Go," he told me, voice soft but firm. "Run."
Aw. Chivalry isn't dead after all. Just mortally wounded.
He didn't know who I was, why I was here, or why I stepped in—but he was ready to throw himself into the fire again, just to make sure I walked away.
Because that's who Uchiha Itachi was.
He activated his Sharingan—just two tomoe. Still a baby. Barely out of diapers, Sharingan-wise.
Obito let out a cold laugh. "Pathetic. You think a half-baked illusion can work on a Mangekyō?"
Spoiler: it didn't.
But Itachi had more tricks up his bloody sleeve.
He hurled the last of his shuriken in a rapid burst, fast and sharp, like a dying breath turned to steel.
Obito swayed out of the way effortlessly. Lazy. Arrogant.
He even took a moment to stroke his mask like a Bond villain. "The gap between us," he said, "is like a gulf."
Wow. Thanks for the monologue, Shakespeare.
But Itachi wasn't done.
The second Obito stopped watching the ground—
BOOM.
The shuriken exploded.
Smoke billowed. Debris rained. I held my breath.
"Did... did we get him?" Itachi asked, hope bleeding through his cracked voice.
But that hope died when the smoke cleared, and Obito stood there, untouched. Not a scratch. Not a scuff.
Even his jumpsuit's threads were still aligned.
"I told you," he repeated. "A gulf."
Yeah, yeah, we get it. You're OP. Congrats on the plot armor.
Itachi's expression darkened, frustration mixing with quiet defeat. He'd expected it. But seeing it confirmed? Still hurt.
"You overestimated yourself," Obito added, stepping closer. "And that arrogance is going to cost you."
Right. That's my cue.
I adjusted my headband, letting it catch the light just enough to show the glint of my eyes—bright blue, cocky, and very much not dead.
"Man, love really does make people crazy," I muttered. "First it breaks your heart, then it breaks the world."
And if you're Obito?
You get a Blacken bonus on top of that. +50 to drama. +100 to genocide.
I'd managed to recover my strength while they fought. I was back on my feet. Sort of. Enough to bluff.
But was it enough to matter?
Obito looked at both of us with dead eyes and a predator's smile.
"I'm bored now," he said flatly.
"Let's end this."