After Asuma screamed that last line, he vanished from the scene faster than his own chakra smoke bombs.
He didn't stick around to stew in his shame for even a second longer.
"Eh? Why'd he leave?" I raised the tattered scrap of cloth in my left hand, blinking in confusion. "He didn't even say if I passed or not!"
I let out a sigh, feigning innocence like a true master of denial.
Man, what a fragile ego.
And at his age?
Back when I was his age— Wait. No. Stop. Halt. Abort memory lane.
I definitely didn't have any embarrassing failures back then.
Nope. None. Zero.
...Okay maybe one.
Or seven.
But let's not dwell on such ancient history.
I cleared my throat and strode out of the examination room like the main character I am.
Behind me, Orochimaru and Anko quietly followed suit.
"Asuma actually lost…" Anko muttered, still stunned. "I didn't think he could be taken down like that."
"Is this what a genius looks like?"
Orochimaru didn't respond. At least not with words. His silence said more than most people's life stories. His golden snake eyes were glassy with thought, clearly replaying the battle in his mind.
Instantaneous movement... but no markings. No chakra fluctuation either. It's not the Flying Thunder God Technique. Then what is it?
He frowned ever so slightly.
Is it bloodline-related? Or something else entirely?
A familiar, unsettling smile crept onto his face.
Meanwhile, back in the exam room, the crowd was still losing their collective minds.
"Bro, what just happened?"
"Forget that! Armas totally got wrecked!"
"I swear I saw his soul leave his body."
"Yo, the guy just folded a Chūnin like laundry."
"Wait, was that even Chūnin-level difficulty? That looked way worse."
"If that's Chūnin difficulty, I'll stay Genin for life, thanks."
"He's so getting chewed out by Lord Hokage when he gets back."
"Haha, yup. Ramen's off the menu tonight."
"But seriously, Uchiha Satoru is nuts. Did you see that shuriken barrage?"
"Like—how did none of them hit Asuma directly?"
"That kind of precision… is that even humanly possible?"
"And that spacing! Every shuriken just grazed the surface of his clothes without drawing blood."
"Plus the guy in the middle was moving the whole time. How the hell do you plan for that?"
"Can he see the future or something?!"
"No one even saw him move behind Asuma!"
"I'm telling you, it's some kind of freaky voodoo jutsu."
Back home, my triumphant return was celebrated with a good ol' Uchiha-style beatdown—emotionally, of course.
cough cough
"Although your methods were… unusual," Dad—Uchiha Fugaku himself—cleared his throat and tried not to smile, "your strength was… passable."
And just like that, he turned tail and briskly walked off. Probably so no one could see the tiny smirk he was hiding.
"Oi, Satoru nii-san, you're such a clown," Sasuke muttered, smirking.
I ruffled his hair just to annoy him. "It's not me who's wrong, it's the world."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Right. And next you'll say you want to make the world feel pain."
"I do want to make the world feel pain," I declared solemnly—
—"Specifically the pain of watching me devour the Invincible Ultimate Jumbo Spiral Bento from Chu Chu's Kitchen."
Itachi, leaning against the doorframe, let out a rare, amused snort.
"Satoru," he said with a warm smile, "I'll be out on a C-rank mission for a few days starting tomorrow."
Sasuke's grin faltered.
"Our shuriken training… you promised," he said softly.
"I know. I'm sorry," Itachi said, giving him an apologetic look. "Next time, for sure."
"Hey! What about my training?" I demanded. "You're just gonna ditch me too?"
Sasuke raised a brow. "You call what we did 'training'? That was a tomato massacre."
I clutched my chest like he'd stabbed me. "You wound me, brother."
He gave me a dry look. "You put shuriken in the tomatoes and told me to dodge."
"It was for realism!"
Sasuke shuddered. "I still see tomato juice in my nightmares."
"Hmph. Bunch of haters." I puffed my cheeks in frustration.
After my two brothers left the house, silence returned.
A rare, peaceful moment.
I opened up the system menu with a hum and began flipping through the shop.
This time the mission had earned me quite a bit of system value. Enough to buy a few more goodies.
Last time, I picked up two excellent scrolls—Large-Scale Spatial Teleportation and Mass Forgery Technique.
Both had been life-savers.
Sure, I had alternatives, but when you can use a scroll and save chakra for dramatic hair flips instead? Why not?
I browsed through the system shop again, squinting at the flashy icons.
Somewhere out there, the world was still recovering from the trauma I'd inflicted on one poor Chūnin's wardrobe.
And me?
I was shopping for more ways to make the world even more fabulous.
Let's just say…
Uchiha Satoru is just getting started.