"Yes." He said through gritted teeth. "But only minorly to keep him stable, to keep him from the whispers."
A torrent of emotions ripped through me, betrayal, anger… but in the end it… made sense. Without him, who knows what my Id would've done to me.
Vivianne gave him a thin, fake smile before looking back at me, her warm eyes seemingly studying something I couldn't see. "Dissonating?" Her voice was quiet, making me feel as if I was floating on a cloud.
"Yeah. I'm trying to find my mom." I felt compelled to answer, like my thoughts were trying to push through honey that got thicker with each word she spoke.
"I'm sorry." She outstretched her arms, wrapping me in a warm embrace. "It'll be okay."
Tears streamed from my eyes, somehow floating just above her clothes as I let myself feel the comfort of her embrace. Her hair brushed my face, just like… Mom, I thought as my heart twisted, my happiness quickly stained with sorrow. The scent of my mother's shampoo wafted back to me, making the tears flow faster. When she released me and floated back slightly, I murmured, "Thank you."
"Of course." She gave me a warm, caring smile. "If you wish to become one of my Nurturers, I have friends in the Resonance Collective who can help with your Id."
Distracted by memories, I couldn't help but ask instinctively, "Nurturer?" I let out a curse internally as I thought back to Johnny's warning which I'd been too caught up to remember.
Johnny looked as if he wanted to say something, his face becoming even paler than before, but with one look from Vivianne, he was silent. "James was my prime nurturer for a while you know."
Johnny let out a quiet groan, "Vivianne… the boss…"
"James?" This is a harmless question, I said in an attempt to placate my own growing worry.
"Mhm. Oh, well, I imagine I should not be surprised he abstained from telling you his name." Her fingers twirled and danced, light solidifying at her fingertips, tracing and bending into a picture of a man in a trench coat and a hat. "I think he gave himself a cute little title now… the Detective of Whencewas! Yes, that was it. I knew him as James Martin. Once, a leader in my Luminous Legion."
"What does being a Nurturer mean?" I couldn't help but ask, the weight of her mystical compulsion forcing the words from my mind before I could stop myself.
"Well," she touched under my chin, guiding my face upward. "A divine messenger must maintain her humanity, and that means satisfying some earthly desires of mine."
My cheeks burned as I took a step away. "I need to find my mom."
"I have an army waiting for me to waive my hand."
I glanced at Johnny, finding a stern expression on his face. The deep subconscious urge to hide, to stay in safety with her… the temptation was frankly overwhelming. Just as my mind began to recede to complacent acceptance, the Id roared its ugly head. Before I could open my mouth to get the words out, incessant whispers resonated from an infinite distance, drilling into my mind. I desperately clawed at my head, my gaze fixing on the ground as I staggered back. "I-I need to—" I glanced up at her, and my blood ran cold. My heartbeat thundered in my ears, my eyes widened, and my arms went slack.
Floating before me was no long Vivianne, but my mother, a trick of my own mind, my own Id. She smiled down at me, dark brown locks spilling out behind her and light flaxen eyes focused on mine. "You'll be safe…" she murmured; her voice was a whisper but crystal clear. Flickers of white light painted a streak that wrapped around my neck, sucking the air from my lungs.
No! My shouts were cut short as the luminescent strands coiled around my throat. Tears welled in my eyes. I don't— I'm not—
"It's okay. Come into my arms…"
Then, a voice like smooth honey resonated in my ears, gentle but full of authority. "Before a divine messenger, the unwilling will not fall into the Id."
My mother's form shattered like glass. The fragments dispersed into mist, and Vivianne floated before me with a subtle frown. "Are you alright?" She reached out, brushing the hair from my forehead.
Panting breaths tore themselves from my lungs and my hands desperately clawed at my throat, assuring nothing was entwining me in death's embrace. "I'm… alright." I coughed loudly, glancing at Johnny, who gave me a simple nod as he placed a hand on my shoulder. Steadying my breath, I locked eyes with Vivianne. "I need to find her myself. No matter…" I faltered, the feeling of suffocation ripe in my mind… the fear of my demise. I took a deep breath, and finished my thought, "No matter what happens, I-I'll face it."
She sighed, floating backwards with a warm smile. "I cannot say this is surprising. Very well. I'll alert Sir Taenin, one of my Stellar Radiants, and he will prepare the necessary documents."
"Thank you." Unsure what to do, I bowed halfway, feeling awkward the moment I did.
Vivianne chuckled. "It is no problem. All you will owe me is one simple favor."
I glanced over to Johnny, the warmth quickly draining from my face. He spoke up, taking a step closer to her floating form. "Vivianne, the boss and I are heading this, the Polaroid Office would be more and happy to—"
She scoffed, her eyebrows shooting up. "Johnny, am I helping you find your mother?"
"Well—"
"Am I helping find James's mother?"
"No." Johnny sighed giving me an apologetic glance.
"That's what I thought." She extended a hand toward me. "Come with me for a moment."
I tentatively reached out, my gaze flickering back to Johnny. Her palm met mine, and suddenly I was floating as well. She guided me toward the window until we stopped just before the panes, floating in the middle of the concentric circle.
"I don't understand… why do you want a favor from me and not a Herald?"
She gave me a sidelong look. "James owes me plenty, so in turn all his Harbingers owe me. You have potential beyond what you imagine and are without a master to hold your leash."
I floated in silence for a moment, staring out at the bustling mini districts below. Potential… I blinked slowly, my heart tying itself into knots as it began to beat louder and faster. "I'll do it."
Vivianne gave me a smile. "Okay. Move the collar of your shirt." I obeyed, and she floated behind me, placing two fingers on the base of my neck. "If Ah-Legoria wills it so, with this seal, you shall lose the ability to divulge conclusive information regarding the Icons of Vivianne Astrada and shall henceforth owe her a debt."
In the distant clear blue sky, a twinkle of golden light shone, and a warm tingle erupted from her fingertips. As suddenly as it appeared, it was gone. She floated beside me again, looking into the distance with a soft smile. "On a cloudless day, even the meager may reach the horizon." Before I could ask what she meant, she nudged me backward, sending me drifting toward Johnny. "You may speak with my receptionist. She will take you to the Bastion."
My feet met the ground, and I mimicked the prayer motion I had seen earlier. Johnny did no such thing, turning away and stepping into the center of the symbol again. I scampered after him, and as the floor unfolded in a beam of light, Vivianne's voice resounded about the hall, confident, and soothing.
"See you soon, Donovan."