"I lied. How we are right now... is the distance I want."
What is the meaning of this? Why? What is happening right now?
Those thoughts ran through my mind. Every one of my brain cells was frantically firing off, trying to make sense of the situation.
"Well-" I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't come up with anything to say.
Natsukawa's words took a moment to sink in. I didn't know how long I stood still for. I could feel her warmth at my back. She was trembling slightly, digging her fingers into my shirt. Suddenly I realized that maybe she was... scared. Scared of how I would answer her. I felt bad, but at the same time it made me happy that she valued our friendship to that degree.
"Okay, if that's what you want," I said, trying to put her at ease. However, it made her trembling worse.
"I feel... relieved." she said, still clutching onto my shirt. My heart squeezed, listening to her sound so pained. I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do.
"It's okay," I said, trying to sound reassuring.
I lost track of time and wasn't sure how long we stayed like that for. But I could see the sun starting to sink into the horizon, day changing into night.
I was still somewhat shocked at what Natsukawa said. Even so, if there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that I couldn't afford to jump to conclusions. I'd already come to terms with the idea of letting go of my feelings for her. Now that we'd finally managed to patch things up, the last thing I wanted was to misread the moment and make things awkward all over again.
"I'm also relieved," I said, taking a step away from her. She took that as a signal to separate, so she let go of my shirt and put some distance between us. Though she was still closer than she had been all month. Close enough that we could touch if I reached out to her.
"That is to say, I want to keep associating with you. It kinda hurts that I accidentally hurt you. So, if going back to normal is what you want, then I'd be more than happy to do so." I said, turning around to look at her.
She was staring at the ground again. Seeing tears on her cheeks made my heart squeeze. And, maybe it was the crimson sunlight, but her face looked flushed, her eyes shifting nervously from side to side.
"Are you sure?" she asked. "What I said earlier... it was just my selfish wish. You don't have to agree to it, you know."
"Why wouldn't I?" I blinked, unsure what she meant. Did she think she was being a bother? I'd never done anything to make her feel that way.
Then she said it out loud, as if reading my thoughts.
"Am I a bother to you?" Her voice was small. "I guess what I'm really trying to ask is… do I remind you of... things you'd rather forget?"
My chest tightened.
Had she been avoiding me this whole time… out of consideration?
The realization hit me, and I asked, quietly, "Is that why you've been distant these past few weeks?"
She nodded imperceptible, then looked up at me with upturned eyes, wide and searching.
Things I'd rather forget, huh?
She didn't voice it out, but I knew exactly what she meant. I didn't hesitate to shoot down her misgivings, "Jeez, you kept me on pins and needles for that reason?! Believe me, you're not a bother."
The moment I said that, the apprehension in her expression turned to relief. A smile crept onto her lips. It was... genuine. The first real smile I'd seen on her face in almost two weeks. Just as I was admiring it, I noticed her eyes brimming with tears again. Was she that moved by all this? I wondered.
"Anyway, I'm sorry that I kept the reason behind my injury a secret from you. So... are we good now?" I said, scratching my head with my injured left hand and looking away. It didn't hurt as much anymore.
"No," she shook her head. "I should be the one apologizing. For... everything up to this point. I don't expect forgiveness, but I'll make it up to you one day."
"For everything...? I'm not sure I follow." I asked, tilting my head.
"Don't worry about that now." She smiled and put her hands together behind her back. "There's something I want to say. But it wouldn't be fair to you if I say it now, since you're the one who came to me this time, just like every other time..."
We were both silent for a bit.
"I see... Earlier you called me Sajou. It felt kind of weird. Why did you do that?" I said, trying to break the silence. Natsukawa had been calling me by my first name for quite some time. Hearing her call me Sajou felt odd.
"I... Well... May I start calling you Wataru again?"
"If that's what you want," I nodded.
Natsukawa then turned her face down, breaking eye contact. A few moments of silence dawned on the roof once again. Finally, a single word slipped from her lips. It was soft. Almost too quiet to catch.
"Aika." she said.
"Huh?"
"Call me Aika."
She was looking somewhere on the ground to my left, avoiding eye contact. She was also fidgeting. Her right arm hugged her left, the tip of her left shoe digging into the ground, her foot slowly twisting left and right bashfully.
"Um... are you sure? Wouldn't that remind you of a time you'd rather forget? Haha" I laughed nervously.
She was taken aback by my response. That shock was quickly replaced with a wistful look. As if remembering a bad memory, or something she regretted doing. Or at least that's the impression I got. I had no way of knowing what was going on inside her head.
Thankfully she went back to normal quickly.
"I would like you to, but if you don't want to then..." she mumbled, her sentence trailing off.
"Okay then," I sighed. Taking a deep breath, I called out her name for the first time since that day. The day I'd decided to stop chasing after her.
"A-Aika" I muttered.
Saying her name stirred something in me. Something I thought I'd already packed away. Not a flame, but the faint glow of embers, buried deep and left to cool. Those embers were either dying out for good, or just waiting for the right moment to catch fire again. I didn't know which. But either way, I wasn't about to fan them. Not now. Probably not ever.
"Yes?" Aika perked up happily when I called her name, taking a step towards me. She was so close that we could almost hug. That startled me beyond words. She did explain the kind of distance she wanted between us while practically stuck to me, but I'd assumed that it was a figure of speech... It was a figure of speech, right? Yes, of course it was. It must have been.
Also, despite her asking me to call her by her first name, she looked embarrassed by it.
Hey now, if you were going to be shy about it, why tell me to do it in the first place?! You being shy makes me awkward too, you know!
I quickly took a step back and looked away, "Well, shall we get going? It's starting to get dark." I turned to open the door to the roof, forgetting that it was locked.
"Right, we need to do something about that." said Aika, before starting to type away on her phone. She was contacting someone for help. Just when I started thinking we were about to get in trouble for being on the roof, I heard a click. The door then creaked open.
"What are you doing on the roof, students? It's out of bounds." I heard a female teacher's voice from behind the door.
"Um, it's my fault. I wanted to watch the sunset." I said.
"Don't lie to me. You were doing naughty things, weren't you?" replied the teacher, still hidden behind the door.
"What?! No, I swea-" then it struck me. That voice sounded... oddly familiar. I turned to look at Aika, only to see her trying to stifle her laughter. I grabbed the door and swung it open. Standing behind it was none other than Kei Ashida.
"..."
"Hehe~ You fell for it! Watching the sunset, was it?" She snickered at me.
"...Ashidaaaaaa!" I delivered a karate chop to her head.
"Ouch! Is that how you thank your saviour?! C'mon Sajocchi, you're better than that!" she rubbed her head.
"How did the door get locked, I wonder?" I said, my eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"I haven't got a clue." she said.
Sighing, I decided to thank her anyway. The three of us then made our way down the stairs, with me walking in front of the two girls. They were lagging back a little, chatting about this and that.
"I need to return something to the student council room, so please go on ahead of me" I called out then made my escape swiftly.
I checked my phone as I walked through the empty corridors. It was 3:55pm, so I'd hoped Yuki-senpai was still at school. I didn't want to hold on to the key till the next day.
I knocked at the door. My hopes were answered by a voice telling me to come in. President Yuki was at his desk, working away at a pile of documents. Likely related to the upcoming Sports Festival.
"Thank you for letting me borrow this, Yuki-senpai." I passed the key over to him.
"Not a problem. Just make sure to fulfil your end of the deal."
"Yeah yeah, will do. See you around." and with that, I started heading for the shoe lockers. I reflected on the events of the day as I walked through the empty hallways, bathed with the warm glow of the setting sun. I was relieved, truly. Everything that happened since Shinonome slipped up in front of Aika just felt like a bad dream now.
Things are finally back to normal, I sighed all the stress out of my body. I hadn't realized how fatigued I was until after everything was finally over.
I found the two girls next to my locker. They'd already put their outdoor shoes on, and were waiting for me so we can head out together.
"Don't you have club activities?" I asked Ashida
"I'm skipping today. It is Aichi's birthday after all!" She rubbed her cheek on Aika's shoulder as she said that.
Ah, how I'd missed seeing them act like that from up close.
"Will you be joining us?" asked Ashida as I was enjoying the show from a front seat row.
"There's something I need to do at home." That was the truth. I was a man of my word, and I'd told Yuki-senpai that I would do my best with the matter regarding Big Sis.
Besides... While Natsuk- Aika and I had already made up, we still had to maintain the minimum distance expected between a boy and a girl.
I can't believe I'm thinking like a responsible young man. A year ago, I would've rejoiced at the opportunity to go to Aika's house. You've truly come a long way, Wataru. And now you're praising yourself. Creepy!
I walked with the two girls up until a certain intersection. They turned left, heading towards the Natsukawa residence, while I turned right.
Soon, a familiar house welcomed me. Everything looked as it always had. The front door, the entrance, the furniture inside.
But it was not the home I knew.
I shivered.