Chapter 53: DIVING INVESTIGATORS INVESTIGATE DIVINELY
White Form Immortal Snake
Under the moonlight, Bai Ning Bing stood before the Bai Clan's spirit spring, his white hair glowing like a disney princess.
Bai Clan Leader: "There's a Rank 5 snake Gu in there. It might save you… or eat you."
Bai Ning Bing: "I don't kneel to Gu worms." (Sigma stare.)
White Form Immortal Snake Gu:
Rank 5.
Vibes: "I'm the main character."
Action: Yeets itself into Bai Ning Bing's aperture like a possessive ex.
Bai Clan Leader: "Wait, that's not how the secret records said this would go—"
TIE RUO NAN'S INVESTIGATION BEGINS
Meanwhile, in Gu Yue Village:
Tie Ruo Nan: "This village is 'clean'… too clean." (Translation: "Where's the damn evidence?")
Tie Xue Leng: "Don't rely on your Intuition Gu. We need FACTS."
Fang Yuan's Play:
"Accidentally" runs into them.
Gives a "helpful" tour of the village.
Inner Thoughts: "If I can't escape yet, might as well manipulate the investigators."
MO YAN'S MELTDOWN
Off-screen, Mo Yan screams at Fang Yuan:
"FUCK OFF! I'D RATHER MARRY A LIGHTNING WOLF!"*
Fang Yuan: "Cool. Still part of the plan." (Leaves unfazed.)
SIGMA RIZZ VS. DIVINE INVESTIGATORS
Tie Xue Leng (adjusting his sigma male copper mask): "Now, analyze this Fang Yuan."
Tie Ruo Nan (blinking like a confused NPC): *"Father, you think it's HIM?! Bro's got that villain rizz—logical, calculated, every word cleaner than a 5-star Yelp review. GYATT DAMN—"*
She gasped like she just saw a jumpscare.
"WAIT A MINUTE—his words were TOO clean. No flaws, no emotions, just straight-up Wikipedia facts. That's not normal, that's DEMONIC!"
Tie Xue Leng (nodding like a wise TikTok guru): "Everyone has feelings, even serial killers. But this guy? He's got his emotions on LOCK. Demon behavior."
Tie Ruo Nan (mind blown): "But why would he admit he was scared in front of everyone? That's like flexing an L!"
Tie Xue Leng (smirking): "Two reasons, kiddo. One: He's playing 4D chess. Two: He's BUILT DIFFERENT."
SCENE 1: FANG YUAN'S NIGHT WALK
Fang Yuan stomped through the empty streets, his footsteps TUNG TUNG TUNG like a Sigma Male Phonk edit.
"Tie Xue Leng's gaze is sharper than my moonblades. If he keeps digging, I'm COOKED."
Then he remembered the Mo faction's wild proposal—marry Mo Yan for 100k primeval stones, 10 rare Gu worms (Rank 3+ ONLY).
Mo Chen's reaction: "YOU WANT A DOWRY LIKE THIS IS A F2P GACHA GAME?!"
Fang Yuan left like "L + Ratio + No Bitches", knowing Mo Chen would fold eventually.
But the political pressure was SKIBIDI-TOILET levels of chaotic:
Clan Leader Bo (watching like a Twitch mod)
Chi & Mo factions (getting clapped by the medicine faction)
Bai Ning Bing (somewhere regrowing his arm like a regenerating NPC)
Tie Investigators (digging up his crimes like a true crime podcast)
Fang Yuan sighed, staring at the moon: "Why can't I just sail away like a Sigma Pirate King? Smh."
SCENE 2: CORPSE INVESTIGATION
Tie Ruo Nan (kneeling beside the rotting corpse, unfazed by the smell): "This guy's got more lore than a Dark Souls NPC."
Clan Elder (gagging in the corner): "HOW ARE YOU NOT VOMITING?!"
Tie Ruo Nan (ignoring him, inspecting like a true crime YouTuber):
Right arm thicker? "Bowman. Hunter vibes."
Missing toes? "Bro stepped on a trap—SKILL ISSUE."
Bamboo shoes? "Local. Probably from a hamlet."
Tie Xue Leng (testing her): "What if he stole the shoes?"
Tie Ruo Nan (rolling her eyes): "Father, the left shoe is SHORTER. You think he found a custom-fit stolen shoe for his missing toes? BE SO FR."
But then—PLOT TWIST—the wolf tide wiped out all the hamlets. NO WITNESSES.
Tie Ruo Nan (malding): "BRO THIS IS LIKE A SPEEDRUN WITH ALL THE CLUES PATCHED OUT."
SCENE 3: FANG ZHENG INTERROGATION
Tie Ruo Nan: "Why'd that Gu Master try to kill you?"
Fang Zheng (NPC energy): "IDK, maybe Xiong clan hired him?"
Fang Yuan (internally): "Lil bro's IQ is lower than his cultivation rank."
Suddenly—XIONG CLAN ENVOY APPEARS.
Clan Members (shook): "WAIT THEY'RE NOT DEAD?!"
Gu Yue Bo (rubbing temples): "Great. Now we gotta deal with these Ohio ahh mountain people again."
SCENE 4: ELDER MEETING
Gu Yue Yao Ji (throwing shade): "Mo Chen should go negotiate!"
Mo Chen (clapping back): "Nah, YOU go!"
Fang Yuan (standing up like a Sigma): "I'LL GO."
Elders (gasping): "BRO'S ABOUT TO MISS THE LOOT DISTRIBUTION—IS HE STUPID?!"
Tie Ruo Nan (barging in like SWAT): "STOP! FANG YUAN CAN'T LEAVE—HE'S THE REASON THAT GU MASTER ATTACKED FANG ZHENG!"
Fang Zheng (clenching fists like an anime protagonist): "BROTHER… YOU KILLED INNOCENTS?!"
Fang Yuan (deadpan): "And?"
Tie Ruo Nan (dropping evidence like a true crime host): "Gu Yue Jiang He—SPILL THE TEA."
Jiang He (crying like a PR disaster): "Fang Yuan murdered a whole family… and the assassin mistook Fang Zheng for him…"
Fang Zheng (breaking down): "I TOOK A MOONBLADE FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!"
Fang Yuan (shrugging): "Skill issue."
...
Gu Yue Bo (leaning forward like a disappointed principal): "Fang Yuan… did you Ohio Rizz (kill) a whole family?"
Fang Yuan (shrugging): "Yeah, and?"
Fang Zheng (tears in eyes, voice cracking): "BROTHER… THEY WERE INNOCENT!"
Fang Yuan (deadpan): "Cope. Seethe. Mald."
Tie Ruo Nan (clutching pearls): "HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS?!"
Fang Yuan (sipping tea like a villain): "Skill issue."
Gu Yue Bo (fake sighing): "Well, since they were just NPC mortals… case dismissed."
Tie Ruo Nan (malding): "WHAT KIND OF JUSTICE IS THIS?!"
Tie Xue Leng (whispering): "First time in the Gu World, kiddo?"
SCENE 5: TIE RUO NAN'S COPING ARC
Tie Ruo Nan (punching trees like an anime protagonist): "FATHER, WHY DO GU MASTERS TREAT MORTALS LIKE TRASH?!"
Tie Xue Leng (stroking imaginary beard): "Child, the world isn't Twitter. Fairness is a myth."
Tie Ruo Nan (copium overdose): "NO! I'LL CHANGE IT! JUSTICE FOR ALL!"
Tie Xue Leng (handing her a letter): "Here. Jia Fu's receipts on Fang Yuan."
Tie Ruo Nan (eyes glowing like a fangirl): "GYATT DAMN—FANG YUAN BIDDING PRICES? LIQUOR WORM LUCK? THIS IS SUS!"
MO CHEN'S DESPERATION ARC
Mo Chen (forcing a smile): "Fang Yuan… about that dowry… can we negotiate?"
Fang Yuan (leaning back like a mob boss): "40k primeval stones. Pig Iron Gu. Afterlife Grass Gu. No refunds."
Mo Chen (veins popping): "WE'RE NOT MADE OF MONEY!"
Mo Yan (sobbing in the corner): "Grandpa… do I HAVE to marry this PSYCHO?!"
Mo Chen (patting her head): "Sorry, kiddo. Clan > feelings."
Mo Yan (accepting her fate): "I'll do it… for the family…"
Fang Yuan (smirking): "Welcome to the Sigma Harem."
Fang Yuan's Monologue (SOMEONE QUOTE THIS!!!)
"Tie Ruo Nan's digging too deep. If she finds out I clapped Jia Jin Sheng, I'm COOKED."
"Mo faction's my last lifeline. Gotta secure the bag before the noose tightens."
"Fang Zheng's crying? Weak. Should've trained his mental stats."
"Time to disappear like a TFT meta."
TWITCH CHAT REACTS:
💍 "ARRANGED MARRIAGE ARC LET'S GOOO"
🕵️ "TIE RUO NAN VS. FANG YUAN WHO WINS?"
😭 "MO YAN DESERVED BETTER"
🐍 "FANG YUAN'S ABOUT TO PULL A DISAPPEARING ACT"