"Who's there?!"
Fugaku shot to his feet, Sharingan instantly active as he felt a sting on his head and spotted a pile of blocks on the ground.
"Bastard! Don't let me find out who you are!"
"If you wake my son, I swear I'll cut you in half!"
In Fugaku's mind, it had to be someone jealous of him having a kid, playing tricks to mess with him.
He was about to search around the house when baby Itachi's sudden cries pulled him away.
Forget finding the culprit—for now, comforting his son came first.
Watching this scene, Kazuyama Gekkō was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
[Ding! Host detected using Telescope Technique in combination with Flying Thunder God Technique to prank Fugaku Uchiha. Special reward: +1 Strength.]
[Ding! Teasing a brand-new dad like this... you're amazing!]
[Keep it up, Host! Keep causing chaos!]
Hearing the system's pervy, delighted voice, Kazuyama couldn't help but grin.
Of course—this wasn't his fault. He wasn't evil, the system made him do it. Totally.
Withdrawing his chakra from the crystal ball, he prepared to switch targets. This time, his sights were set on Minato Namikaze.
If he remembered right, Minato's chakra nature was fire, wind, and lightning...
Alright, input all three into the crystal ball.
Wow—Minato's big face lit up in the crystal ball. But wait... what's this scene?
Hm? That red hair beside him...
Oh? Minato's having a date with Kushina? At home?
Watching Kushina cook while Minato smiled like a love-struck fool, Kazuyama squinted.
"Now... where was Minato's house again?"
"Somewhere near the Hokage Building, right?"
With a flash, Kazuyama disappeared from his own home, on a mission to locate Minato's place.
After all, he was Konoha's walking map. Back when he was farming for attributes, he had memorized every corner of the village.
He soon found the house, activated Transparent Escape, and crept up to the window.
Sure enough—Minato and Kushina.
He chuckled, pressed one hand to the wall, and left a Flying Thunder God marker.
Back at home, he stared at the crystal ball, mulling over how to mess with Minato...
He had to be extra careful. Minato also used the Flying Thunder God Technique—too much exposure and he could be caught.
But an idea quickly formed.
Boom!
Shadow Clones appeared. Kazuyama looked them over, then had them activate Transformation Technique.
Fugaku Uchiha. The Third Hokage. Jiraiya.
He sent the three clones one after another to Minato's door.
Clone One—Fugaku—knocked on the door.
Minato hurried over.
"Huh? Fugaku, what brings you here?"
He didn't invite him in—after all, he was on a date with Kushina, who was still cooking. No way he'd let anyone interrupt that.
"Minato, what's wrong? Not welcoming me?"
"Should I leave, then?"
Clone Fugaku pulled off the classic Uchiha tsundere tone, leaving Minato awkward and flustered.
"Uh, Fugaku... I'm not feeling great today. Next time, okay? I'll treat you to barbecue."
Oh? That blond guy lied without even flinching. Not a hint of shame. Impressive.
Kazuyama stared wide-eyed at the crystal ball. He hadn't expected Minato to lie so smoothly.
Tsk. Unfortunately, the Telescope Technique showed everything crystal clear.
"Hmph. Minato, we're comrades. If you treat me like this, I might just let Mikoto and Kushina know about your little situation."
"I only came to borrow something."
"I'm out of salt and sugar. Shops are closed. Lend me some—I'm making something tasty for Itachi."
How are legendary lies born? People like Kazuyama just make them up on the spot. He could out-bluff Minato any day.
Without hesitation, Minato replied:
"Wait a sec."
He rushed inside, ran over to Kushina, and quickly grabbed a jar of salt and a jar of sugar.
"Hey! Minato, how am I supposed to cook without salt?"
"It's fine, Kushina. I've been feeling a bit hot lately. Bland food's good for me!"
Determined to protect his romantic evening, Minato hurried back, opened the door, shoved both jars into 'Fugaku's' hands, and said:
"Here, don't worry about returning them. I'll treat you to dinner sometime!"
Bang!
The door slammed shut.
Kazuyama laughed until he wheezed.
No salt for the meal... Minato, you really pulled it off!
[Ding! Detected host using Clone Technique to swipe a jar of salt and a jar of sugar from Minato Namikaze's house. Truly a villain who takes even the smallest gain! Special reward: 500 ryo!]
What the hell—500 ryo? Are you kidding?
[Ding! The salt and sugar you took are worth 50 ryo total! You've already gained ten times their value! What more do you want?]
Tch... whatever. Messing with Minato was reward enough. 500 ryo? Fine, he'd take it.
Clone No.1 completed its mission, returned via Flying Thunder God, and dispersed into smoke.
Time for Clone No.2—Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage.
Wearing the Hokage robe, pipe in mouth, and a friendly smile on his face, "Hiruzen" made his way toward Minato's house.
He knocked on the door and waited.
Minato, having just sent Fugaku away, was finally starting to relax—he hadn't even warmed his chair yet—when there was another knock.
It nearly drove him mad.
No one ever came to his house, so why were people lining up today?!
Who the hell was it now?! Why now of all times?!
Barely holding back his irritation, Minato walked to the door and opened it—only to freeze.
"Uh... Lord Hokage, is something wrong?"
"Hehehe, Minato, aren't you going to invite me in?"
Minato immediately felt another wave of embarrassment. Under normal circumstances, he'd absolutely welcome the Hokage inside—but not today.
Not when he was on a date with Kushina! He'd even lit the candles!
All that was left was for Kushina to finish cooking, and they'd have the perfect romantic dinner.
Taking a deep breath, he decided to come clean. He'd already felt guilty for lying to Fugaku.
But before he could speak, Hiruzen's next words left him completely dumbfounded.
"What, hiding a woman in there?"
"Not letting an old man in—Minato, are you cheating on Kushina?! I swear, I'll beat you senseless!"
"Did you forget what Lady Mito told you? You're supposed to treat Kushina with care!"
"No way, I have to go in. I'm watching you on Kushina's behalf!"
With that, "Hiruzen" sidestepped straight into the house.
Meanwhile, inside the kitchen, Kushina was frozen in place—she had no salt and had no idea what to do next.
Watching all of it through the crystal ball, Kazuyama broke into another wide grin.
"Oh wow, Minato... going all in with a candlelight dinner, huh?"