Historiah
The silence is broken by the sound and vibration of my ringing phone. It's Ivy. I thought it was strange how she hadn't called in a few days. "Hello?" I pick up. "His-Historiah?" The muffled sound of holding back tears is all I hear after that. It's been a million years since she's called me by my full name. "Are you okay, Ivy?" I get up and go out to the porch. "Did-did you r-really jump in front of a bullet train, Tori?" My heart stops. I can't even think of a single word to say to her. "P-please tell me it isn't true, Tori." She's full on crying now.
"Please, don't cry, Ivy, I-"
"Why not?! Why shouldn't I? I would've cried just like this during your funeral, wouldn't I? What would you have said to me then?!" I sit silent, not wanting to picture what she looks like right now. "Do you think you aren't worth crying over? D-do you think it wouldn't hurt anyone if you left?" She sniffs and wheezes.
"Years ago, when no one would talk to me because of the colour of my eyes, only you were different. You picked me up from the edge of a lonely classroom and became my friend. You let me cry on your shoulder and vent out all my hurt, so why the hell won't you let me do the same?!"
"I just..."
"Tori, I know that you feel like you're alone and that you're hurting, but you'll never be a burden to me, why don't you understand that? If-if you need a hug, I'll hold you till my arms are stuck that way. If you need to cry, you can soak all my shirts and flood my room. If you need to talk, I'll listen to what you have to say for hours on end until my ears start to bleed. Anything, everything, just please, Tori, don't go away. There's still so much we haven't seen and done, so many memories we haven't made." Her breathing and speech steady slowly, and she isn't trembling as much. I sigh. I never did give Ivy enough credit. It wasn't just the rain; her arms were always wide open. And warm. She was always nice and warm. "I'm sorry, Ivy. I'm sorry."
"Promise that you won't do anything like that again?" She sniffs.
"I promise."
"Alright. Take care of yourself, kay?" I can picture her wiping her tears and trying to smile. "I will."
"And if Luke tries anything, give me a call and it's prison, okay?"
"Of course." I chuckle.
"I'll come visit you soon, so be ready for me!"
"Always am."
"That's a lie, you're never prepared for me."
"Maybe it's because you're a human hurricane."
"And I'll sweep you away if you don't look after yourself."
"I already said I'd do that, Ivy."
"Okay, bye!! All the hugs and kisses, mwah!" I sigh heavily. I don't deserve you, Ivy. I never did for a moment. Because this heart that hardly feels emotion is much less than what someone like you should be given. "Luke, come help me open the door." I hear his footsteps get louder as he comes closer, and the door pulls silently. "Are you okay?" He asks. "It's none of your business." I shrug.
"Back to square one, are we?" He says from behind me. I don't stop walking and go upstairs to my room. It feels like I'm suffocating, and the walls are closing in on me. I have no idea what to think anymore. Life is empty to me. Has been for a long time. I'm not sure if it's an empty space or a rock that's in my chest. Once a person loses their will to live, it never truly returns-that is what I believe, at least. If my life has been screwed from the very moment it started, what would make it any different as it goes on? I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling, counting my heartbeats, counting the seconds, counting the number of times I've gone insane. Still am.
About 20 minutes later, I hear a knock on my door. "Breakfast's ready."
"I'm not hungry."
"I didn't ask. You're going to eat."
Someone's grown a pair in a few days. "I know you aren't deaf, and I don't answer to you. Don't forget it." He door flies open, and he storms in. "I don't know if starving yourself is your way of reliving stress, but I recommend squeezing a stress ball."
"And I recommend shutting up and getting out of my room."
"Well, too bad. I'm going to ignore that recommendation."
"So, what you're saying is that I can't have any privacy in this place?"
"Your privacy is your right. Drowning alone isn't."
"You don't get to make that decision."
"Yes, I do. Legally." This argument makes me want to throw a brick at his face. I'm in this situation because of him in the first place. I can feel bitter anger brew in my veins. "If you-"
"Tori!" He cuts me off. The nerve.
"If you won't eat anything, that's up to you." His voice is calmer now, less agitated. "If you won't get any sleep, then it's your decision. If you choose to be alone, I can't say a word." He takes a deep breath, then speaks softly, "But my job is to take care of you, regardless of circumstance. And what I choose to do as a person is to show you that your life isn't over." He pauses; steps closer. "You have dreams, don't you? Things you made your heart race when you thought about them, things that brought light into your eyes when you saw them."
"Too bad, they're all forgotten. I've been too busy trying to survive to enjoy the luxury of those." I fold my arms, clench my teeth.
"Then you don't have to survive anymore, Tori. You can stay here or with me at the villa, or with Jace if you want to." He says that last part with a little discomfort. "You can eat a million of Märtha's pancakes, own a million bunnies, binge watch true crime all day, skip school as you like... Okay maybe not that last bit. But you get the point. You can live life, Tori. But only if you set yourself free from the things that exist only in past tense." He smiles and walks to the door, "Come down whenever you're hungry. There'll be a warm meal waiting for you." He shuts the door behind him as he leaves. I lay back on my bed and sigh. "A million pancakes, huh? I'm holding you to that one."