Upon exiting the shower, Claude changed into the new set of clothes he picked out for himself before leaving the bathroom. He heads back to his room, sits down on his soft, plush bed, and starts to analyze the theory he came up with in the shower.
At first glance, it felt as if he were shifting the blame from himself to the others around him; that somehow, they were the ones responsible for his excessive cowardly behavior. Surely the burden of responsibility fell upon him, wouldn't it?
A part of Claude already felt convinced, feeling as if the theory alone explained away his actions, while another part vehemently opposed the premise altogether, thinking that it was just trying to shift the blame away from himself.
He lies down on his bed and starts going through his childhood memories. His earliest memories were from the spring of 2007, around 20 years ago. Claude was a 5-year-old boy living in an apartment somewhere in The Bronx, New York. He could remember being stuck at home with his stern grandmother, who refused to let him go outside. His mother was at work, doing whatever she did back then.
His grandmother would usually take her time out of the day to teach him all the necessary things at kindergarten, in addition to some other things that his mother wanted him to learn. By the end of the day, he would be given a test to see if he had internalized everything he was taught. Failure to remember was met with severe punishment.
He only started interacting with other kids when he was around 7 years old, when his mother moved out of New York City and into Scarsdale. She would often arrange playdates with the other kids in the neighborhood.
Most of them were nerdy kids, often bullied and ostracized by the other kids at school. This would go on until one day, when Claude was taken out of the homeschool and administered to a public high school in Scarsdale.
Growing up, his mother was very protective of him, sometimes to an extreme. There was this one time where he was driving down the road with his bike and got into an accident with a car. When his mother found out, she immediately appropriated the bike from him, telling him that it was too dangerous to ride anymore.
His friends were no different; they were quite risk averse and were too afraid to stand up for themselves when their bullies approached them. These friends, who he was introduced to via the playdates by his mother, kept in good graces with them because he feared that the other kids wouldn't accept him.
As Claude continued to scan through his memories, gathering evidence both for and against his theory, his ears picked up the sound of the door creaking open, jolting him out of his mind space. He gets up and sees his mother near the door, looking straight at him.
"Dinner's ready," she greeted her son.
"You are not sleeping, are you?" she asks upon seeing her son in bed.
"No, not at all," Claude replied, shaking his head.
"Good. Now come. Let's eat before the dinner gets cold," she commanded, before leaving the room. Claude gets up from his bed and follows her through the halls.
They make it to the dining room, where Carrol was waiting for them. She finishes setting up the table, and the three all sit down on their chairs together. Tonight's feast featured a medium rare steak with a side of mashed potatoes, garlic bread, and some blue cheese butter. After saying grace, the family picked up their silverware and started to enjoy their meal.
As Claude sliced and chewed on his steak bit by bit, he realized that this might be the perfect opportunity to test out his theory. If his mother did have as much a hand in his behavior as the theory suggests, then she should react to him in a specific, predictable way.
"Say, I heard something about the government making a new agency to deal with the threat," he starts off.
"You two heard anything about it?" he asks while looking forward at his mother, expecting her to answer. His mother should vehemently reject the idea, because all she cares about is keeping her sweet, little boy alive, no matter the costs.
"Yeah, we did! It was all over the news. Apparently, they have sent out some recruiters on the street to get people to join up too," Carrol speaks up, answering the question for Bella.
"So far, around 12,000 people have joined, and that's from this city alone!" she claims.
"Must be offering them a damn fortune to sign up," she comments, before taking a gulp from her wine.
"You are not planning on joining, are you?" Bella inquires, giving Claude a stern look as she eats her steak. Looks like Claude would have to poke further.
"I don't know. I mean, I am not finding a job and…" Claude tries to explain in a reasonable manner, but Bella wasn't having it. She quickly washes down her steak with water before berating Claude for even considering the option.
"No! Absolutely not! You are not going!" She yells.
"But Ma! I heard they make good money! And besides, it's not like…" Claude tries to explain but is cut off.
"You are not going to risk your life fighting those monsters! I don't care how much they pay and for what, but you are absolutely not going!"
"How do you know they make a lot of money, Claude?" his aunt jumps in, joining the conversation.
"Oh! Did a recruiter approach you? How much did they offer?" Carrol asks with a playful smile, finding this whole interaction amusing. Bella's face turns pale, horrified at the thought.
"No! No! It's nothing like that! I learned about it through my phone! That's all!" he lied, trying to calm the room down.
"Oh, thank god…" Bella mutters under her breath, breathing a huge sigh of relief.
"You do realize he can apply online, right, sis?" Carrol adds, crushing the bit of joy that sprung up in Bella's heart.
"You better not be thinking of joining one of those, Claude," Bella warns him.
"Why not?" Claude accidentally blurts out his subconscious thoughts, which started softly bubbling up to the surface.
"Why not? What do you mean, 'why not'? Because it's dangerous!" she exclaims.
"You'd be up against powerful monsters that are out of this world! You won't survive a day if you join in!" she argues, lecturing Claude on how dangerous the job is.
"But I did, back at Scarsdale," Claude retorts, trying to argue back.
"That was a rare exception where God had watched over you, boy," she belittles him, taking a shot at his pride, hoping to dismantle his confidence.
"I do not want to hear my son turning up dead in a casket. I cannot stand to bear it. Ever!" She adds.
"Promise me that you won't join them, would you?" She shifts her voice to a more nurturing tone.
"Whatever is not an answer, Claude! You either go or you stay! I am telling you, no…" Bella cuts herself off.
"I am begging you to stay here!" she finishes.
Bella reacted to his suggestion just as Claude expected her to. It was clear to him that she was extremely overprotective of him, to the point where she wouldn't allow him to partake in anything remotely dangerous. She might have applied this philosophy while setting up those playdates, selectively choosing the most risk-averse ones, hoping that their behavior would rub off on him.
But despite all this evidence, Claude still had this nagging feeling that he was missing something important, like a few pieces to a puzzle that, when found and put into place, would allow him to see the bigger picture. Though he felt his anger rise, he kept a stoic face, trying to keep calm and think first before he responded.
However, despite his best attempts, Claude was unable to control himself. At that moment, he shot back at his mother, raising his voice as she talked back to her.
"Jesus, why the fuck do you have to be like this? Huh? I bring up a goddamn suggestion, just a spitball idea, and you have to go and scream at me!" He snaps back at his mother.
"What if I really do want to go? I saved you from those demons, and here you are, badmouthing me! I am proud of what I did! Why shouldn't I go and help rescue other people, huh?"
Carrol, upon seeing Claude burst out in anger, decided to chime in. She taps his glass with her fork, garnering his attention before speaking up.
"Now, now, Claude. You don't have to yell at us," Carrol speaks with a soft voice. "You have to understand that you have a big choice to make here," she starts off.
"Your mother is very worried that if you go, you won't come back to us alive. She is very worried about your health and well-being, and so am I," she states the obvious.
"I already know that," Claude interjects.
"Of course you do! And we know that you are desperate for a job. I mean, with this economy and all, you don't want to depend on us," Carrol replies.
"But we also know that you are a grown man who doesn't want to be taken care of anymore. We know you want friends, masculine friends, who you share interests with! We know that's why you find it so appealing," she claims.
"You have a choice to make in this, you know that? A choice in which one is right and the other is wrong," Carrol claims.
"Do you really think the risk of fighting those monsters is worth it? Where one day, you and the people you bonded with find yourselves on the cusp of death?" She questions her nephew.
"You have all the time in the world to find something better, Claude. Why not wait?" she suggests. Claude stays silent. He knew that whatever this 'new' prospect would be, his mother and aunt would vehemently reject. There are no new prospects, and this is the only one he got.
"What are you waiting for? Answer your aunt!" Bella instructs.
"Calm down, sis. Let him think," Carrol responds.
"I know he will make the right choice. I know he will stay with us," she claims.
"Why do you think that, Aunt?" Claude asks, wondering why she thinks that.
"Because you have already done so!" she answers.
"You are a man capable of providing for yourself. You showed us that when you took down those three demons all by yourself. You don't have to stay with us, and yet, here you are!"
"Though you may speak as if you are unsatisfied, it is through your own actions that you have shown us that you don't really want to join the army! You want to stay here, with us, in this nice place we provide for you!" she claims.
"You know what the right choice is, Claude. You wouldn't abandon us after everything we've been through. Heck, you even risk yourself to save your mother! Because you know that we are family, and family stays together," she adds.
"Because if you didn't believe that, you wouldn't be here. You would have been long gone by now," Carrol finishes.
It is here that Claude felt that everything was falling into place. The theory was missing a key component to make it all make sense: him. He was the one who decided to stay with these people. He was the one to stick with his mother when times got tough.
Sure, their cowardice may have rubbed off on him, but ultimately, he is the one who chose to continue associating with these people. He is the one who decided to stick around and let himself get influenced and conditioned. Though he may have been restricted as a child, he is not now! Like Carrol said, he is a grown man who can make a choice.
"Well, aren't I right?" Carrol asks, expecting an answer.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess you are. Thanks, Aunt. I… think I made up my mind," Claude replies.
"Oh, have you?" Bella asks.
"Yes, I have," he asserts. He then went on to enjoy this opulent dinner, the last one he will have on this table.
Though doubt still lingered at the edges of his mind, he had already made his choice. A life of comfortable stagnation wasn't life at all; it was a slow, meaningless death, where he was constantly beaten by his own misery every day. So, if he was going to die, he'd rather it be going out fighting powerful monsters than waste away in his gilded cage.
~~~Prologue End~~~