Wizengamot...
"Nervous?" Dumbledore asked, seated with Kasenhis in a private chamber.
"Not at all... You're not telling me you've lost faith in your own connections, are you?" Kasenhis shot back.
"Of course not. I just think that under normal circumstances, even when someone knows they're guaranteed to win, they still feel a bit of nerves," Dumbledore explained.
"Well, the facts say I'm not a normal person."
"That's true indeed."
Soon, a Ministry employee knocked on the door. The two of them followed him out into the central chamber of the Wizengamot.
As the staffer turned to leave, he subtly gave Kasenhis a thumbs-up.
Shortly after, the Wizengamot members filed in one after another. A few were familiar faces to Kasenhis — most were familiar faces to Dumbledore.
Hogwarts networking champion, confirmed.
"You're sure you've greased all the right wheels? Who'd you call in?" Kasenhis still couldn't resist asking Dumbledore one more time. He might not be nervous, sure — but if Dumbledore turned out to be unreliable, or if the Wizengamot jury decided to pull some stunt and rule against him... what was he supposed to do? Flee on the spot?
Not that that kind of thing was likely to happen.
But soon, Kasenhis spotted a figure on the Wizengamot bench that he couldn't be more familiar with.
It was Lester — the same guy he'd "introduced to physics-induced memory loss" with an anvil during his very first encounter with the magical world.
Kasenhis's mood instantly turned as sour as if he'd swallowed a fly. If there was anything more unlucky than being on trial...
It was having one of your former enemies sitting on the jury.
Sure, one person wasn't enough to get the entire Wizengamot to vote for a conviction, but still...
"Ugh, what kind of cursed setup is this?" Kasenhis muttered in exasperation.
Soon, all the Wizengamot members and the plaintiff, Fudge, were in place. A refined witch seated on a separate elevated platform gave a gentle cough.
Worth noting: at a glance, Fudge appeared to still have both arms. But upon closer inspection, it was clear that one of them was a prosthetic — an alchemically made limb.
That's when Kasenhis noticed that the witch on the platform also wore a monocle... Tasteful. His eyes were then drawn to the gleaming silver nameplate at the center of the platform.
[Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement]
"Mr. Kasenhis... please be seated," Bones said in a calm, steady voice.
Kasenhis glanced behind him — there was a square, blocky chair with chains wrapped around it.
"Uh..."
He gave it a mildly disgusted little kick, and the chair instantly shattered into blocky pieces and disappeared. In its place, he casually plopped down a pure black wool sofa — naturally chosen to match the room's decor and aesthetic.
"You're not planning to get me one too?" Dumbledore asked.
Kasenhis paused for a moment, then conjured two more sofas to flank his own — purely for the sake of symmetry.
"Thank you."
Amelia Bones didn't pay the slightest attention to Kasenhis and Dumbledore's antics. Instead, she pulled out a parchment and calmly began reading:
"Defendant, Kasenhis. You are charged with unauthorized spatial relocation into the Minister for Magic's office, magically assaulting the now–South American and African diplomatic junior staffer Dolores Umbridge, and injuring Cornelius Fudge's arm with a longsword."
"These are the facts."
Bones nodded. "You now have fifteen minutes to explain the justification for your actions."
Kasenhis rolled his eyes. "I need to prove my actions were reasonable? How about the rest of you tell me — what exactly is reasonable?"
"Is it reasonable for Fudge to shove soul-sucking, mindless Dementors into a school full of children? Or is it more reasonable that I, outraged by the Ministry's enlightened decisions, stormed his office and took off one of his arms?"
"Kasenhis! We are discussing your actions here, not whatever else you feel like bringing up!" Fudge suddenly cut in.
"And why shouldn't I bring it up?" Kasenhis sank deeper into the sofa. "You're doing dumb crap like that and you expect no one to call it out? Honestly, I do regret something — I regret chopping off your arm instead of your head!"
Kasenhis fired right back without backing down.
"Mr. Kasenhis," Amelia Bones interjected calmly, "let us move on. You claim your actions were to protect the young wizards, yet the Dementors have not left Hogwarts. So would you say your actions were out of anger, revenge, or protection?"
"You'll have to ask our wise and noble Fudge about that," Kasenhis replied with a mocking smile. "According to him, the magical device used to control the Dementors was damaged — it's currently being repaired by the Department of Mysteries… Honestly, how do you even break something that important? Was Fudge using it as a fucking ashtray or something?"
Fudge awkwardly shrank into his seat — because the device in question was, in fact, an alchemical skull… which, technically, could be flipped over and used as an ashtray.
Even the missing teeth were great for holding cigars.... ehm.. It was disturbingly practical.
"Final question: would you say your actions were excessive?" Amelia asked.
"In fact, my actions were not excessive. Prior to this, I wrote Fudge a letter — I warned him to properly restrain the Dementors. I told him that if they harmed any young wizard, I would twist his head off and plant it in a flowerpot."
"So technically, I gave him a warning in advance — and I only chopped off his arm, not his head."
"You mean to say your actions were premeditated, not impulsive or extreme?"
"If that's how you want to see it, sure," Kasenhis replied casually, rolling his eyes.
"We will now proceed to a vote by the members of the Wizengamot," Bones announced with a nod. "Those who believe Kasenhis is guilty, raise your hands."
A few sparse hands went up. Kasenhis gave them a quick glance — most of them were Ministry employees, under Fudge's thumb.
"Kasenhis — guilty, six votes. Now, those who believe Kasenhis is not guilty — raise your hands."
The entire courtroom seemed to dim for a second as a sea of arms shot into the air.
Kasenhis casually looked around — the room was filled with raised hands, even Amelia Bones herself lifted hers from the high judge's bench.
Apparently, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement wasn't interested in playing by Fudge's rules either.
Kasenhis exchanged a glance with Dumbledore.
"Ahem."
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