Leonardo and Jack Nicholson came over to meet Martin.
"Hey you little rascal, when did you quietly join Obama's campaign office as some kind of image consultant? Honestly, I think I could handle that job too!"
"You idiot, Leon—do you really think Martin's just some figurehead advisor? He had to have something going on with Obama. Right, Martin? You sleeping with his wife or his daughter?"
"Fuck off, Jack! You really are a dirty old bastard."
Martin flipped him the finger.
He knew this old bastard was a hardcore Republican, especially a fan of Palin's tough foreign policy.
After Palin stepped down, the guy apparently ranted at Leonardo for three days straight, forcing Leo to escape to Hawaii.
But to his horror, the old bastard followed him to Hawaii.
Driven to his wits' end, Leo finally called Martin to complain, "This old freak is insufferable. What can I do to make him disappear?"
Martin had replied, "Find a gun store, buy a pistol and some ammo. Load the magazine, chamber a round, aim at Jack's head, and pull the trigger. Bang. Problem solved. Even if you don't kill him, you'll be in jail—and at least he won't be able to bother you anymore."
"Fuuuck."
Eventually, when Jack's rambling got truly unbearable, Leo told him exactly what Martin had suggested, adding, "You should be thankful I didn't actually follow through and shoot you, instead of just telling you off."
Jack had gone quiet for a moment, then said, "Good thing I never pissed Martin off."
Leonardo: "..."
Back at the premiere—
Robert Downey Jr. had also arrived.
"Hey, congrats on the new movie, man."
He gave Martin a big hug.
Martin asked, "Did you sign on for Iron Man 2?"
"Yup, signed." Robert grinned, clearly very pleased with himself.
"You're smiling way too happily. That paycheck must be big," Martin teased.
"HAHAHAHA!" Robert finally couldn't hold it in anymore. "Twenty million bucks! Man, I'm sorry—I lost my cool. I still can't believe I landed that kind of money!"
"I get it," Leonardo said, shrugging. "The first time I got a paycheck that size, I locked myself in a bathroom and laughed for like ten minutes straight."
"Jesus," Jack muttered. "Salaries these days are just absurd. Twenty million? That would've been impossible back in my day!"
"This is all thanks to you, Martin. You're the one who brought me back to the top," Robert said, seriously.
"C'mon, you earned it. Don't forget, District 9 cost me one of your roles," Martin said with a grin.
"I'm happy to be robbed blind by you anytime. As far as I'm concerned, my rates are always negotiable for you," Robert said earnestly.
"Then let me thank you in advance," Martin replied with a smirk.
"Hey Martin, long time no see. When are you free for a drink? I never got a chance to thank you for helping me out back in Prague!"
A slightly sycophantic voice called out.
Everyone turned to look.
"Who is this guy?
Leonardo: "No idea."
Robert: "Who is this guy?"
Martin: "Ah, it's Star-Lord!"
Chris Pratt looked a bit heavier. The guy had the kind of body that put on weight easily, so keeping in shape was always a challenge.
Just then, Will Smith joined them with a big smile. "Hey guys, I'm throwing a party next weekend at my place. You all better show up!"
Then he turned to Martin. "Thanks for supporting Mr. Obama, man. He's a hero for us Black folks."
Martin smiled. "He's also a fellow alum from my school—of course I'd support one of my own."
At that moment, the sound of heavy footsteps cut into the conversation.
A woman with a beautiful face, around 5'5", but with a massive, muscular build, walked over.
"Who's that?" Leonardo asked, curious.
Surprisingly, even Martin didn't know.
"No idea. Who invited her?"
Jack's face turned red, looking a bit sheepish. "Uh… fellas, this is my girlfriend Ashley. She's a professional arm-wrestler."
Whoosh.
Everyone turned to stare at Jack in stunned silence.
The contrast in body types was… shocking. Jack was old and frail, while this woman walking toward them had a bodybuilder's frame. Her muscles were even more exaggerated than some pro boxers.
Leonardo couldn't help saying, "Dude, are you serious? I bet you wouldn't last three seconds in bed before she breaks you in half."
"Fuck off. You don't know anything. Ashley looks tough, but she's actually super gentle," Jack defended her.
"Hello, everyone." The diamond-bodied woman greeted them, a little awkward and self-conscious as she noticed everyone's stunned gazes.
Jack quickly stepped in to ease the tension, pulling her close. "Don't worry, sweetheart. These are all friends. Lemme introduce you."
"This is Martin Meyers—total punk."
"This is Leonardo DiCaprio—another punk."
"This is Will Smith—we're not super close, so I don't know if he's a punk too."
"And this is… uh, sorry, who are you again?"
"I'm Chris Pratt. I played that guy in Wanted who gets his ass kicked by Martin. Also a friend."
Chris cast a cautious glance at Martin, who didn't deny it, so he relaxed a little.
"Ah, great. Chris Pratt."
As Jack introduced everyone, Ashley greeted them politely one by one.
Despite her hulking physique, her face was delicate and well-kept—completely mismatched with her body. But the contrast gave her a unique kind of beauty.
Diamond Baby—so that's what all the fuss was about.
The group chatted for a while longer before the movie started and everyone headed into the screening room.
Jessica suddenly appeared from nowhere, slipping her arm through Martin's and whispering in his ear, "Britney just called me. Her tour wrapped up, and she's in L.A. tonight."
Martin's eyes lit up. He couldn't help but think of Britney's wild, electric energy. Grinning, he said, "I'll have Gordon pick her up."
In the original timeline, Britney had already fallen from grace by now—two failed marriages, a tanked career, and no comeback in sight.
But now, thanks to Martin's intervention, Britney's fate had changed completely.
With the hit song he'd crafted just for her, she was staging a full-blown comeback. Her rise toward pop royalty had put even longtime diva Mariah Carey on the defensive, forcing her to retreat again and again.