So I got depressed.
My kind of depression might be different than what commonly known as 'depression' by the masses. It's not the sad looking type, not the turning cold type, which I would categorized as just a youth syndrome or just the younger people type shit but I was just being mean about it.
There are some semblance but on a rare case (extreme one at that) and when shit happened, we call that mental breakdown.
Depression is much more subtle, I'm pretty sure a lot of people won't be able to notice if somebody was being depressed because normally they themselves didn't know they were depressed until it was too late. I think there was a video on yt on what depression actually looks like so if you're interested maybe you can check it out by yourself.
It was when I was having some quality time with close friend of mine who happened to be a doctor (not psychiatrist). We were catching up because I was rarely at home.
I still don't know what's telling about me having some problems, but he suddenly recommended me to meet a friend of his who happened to be a psychiatrist. I mean, I thought it was nothing serious but when I realized my OCD wasn't triggered by my messy room, I was completely alarmed and decided to give it a go.
And for anyone who has yet to see a psychiatrist, when you got to meet one, it's usually a very pleasant experience (although you might feel a bit nervous at first, but all good until you get to talk to one).
As someone who also understood psychology as someone who sells 'investment' opportunity, I sort of understood the sequence and follow along.
He asked me about what I've been doing, my story, and what I feel about it. I recount what has been happening during my time outside the country, I didn't exactly recount all the details but I suppose he's a psychiatrist for a reason and asked really good follow up questions.
I told him my love story from abroad, how I meet her, how she took care of me when I was sick, how vulnerable I had been, and how it ended.
I told him about how I got some very important people to join in a project which gave me a boost in my finance. I told him how I got my ass done in Malaysia because I shit blood. How I almost died stepping on a freaking jelly fish which is ironically kind of hilarious.
But then...
...it was at that point to which I told him what I've been doing lately at home after I finally decided to go back and see my parents.
Despite living in the moment to which I should find joyful, I feel like there was a heavy fog in my mind and I feel very slow. That basically just me being overwhelmed by a lot of things that I barely chew before swallowing. And that was when I stopped as we both looked at each other, and he didn't even say anything about it as he laughed it off asking me you know exactly what happened right.
That's pretty much it.
I just realized I got depressed and had to completely stop everything and do something completely different that would help me to slowly get back to my normal state.
So, what I've been doing lately is just running.
I've been running daily, day and night. I mean, maybe this could be a blessing in disguise as it was something I've always wanted to do long ago and only decided to do it right now because of this.
I'm about to run a marathon soon (I barely run).
My fitness is better than most since I trained myself in Muay Thai, so I believe I could do a marathon in a month or two. (I was only able to do 15 km run without stopping and marathon is 42).
But it's been going in the right direction. Pushing myself through the limits, getting better each time I show up, and achieving the small goals I set was so good I started to feel alive again.
So, I thank god for that. And with my current savings, I could go on like this for a year without working (I think).
Well, that's basically what actually happened.
I'm really sorry I had to stop everything without telling you guys. It was a kind of emergency but I don't mind if you guys are mad at me for suddenly ghosting you.
I have a plan to get back to writing soon, but I'm not sure when. I've said in discord I might go back this month because everything has been going so well so far, so I will let you guys know again later this month if I decided to go back right away!
Thank you guys, much love!