Nikko's point of view
One sentence, Life is beautiful, isn't it? This one sentence changed my whole perception of my relationship with Hoshi. When he said it, I realised something important. Hoshi is not Takamori. Takamori would never say this, he doesn't think like this. His words would never sound so soft and genuine, like the ones from a truly kind person.
Since the day he started touching me, I would see his selfish expression on Hoshi's face every moment our hands touched, even just a little bit. The slightest touch would wake up all the bad, and still fresh memories of last week, maybe even the last day, or the one memory of his grin that was following me all the time. I almost thought this stupid imagination would never end, although maybe it was me who dramatised this whole touching thing way too much. I don't know what it was with me that I immediately fell right into despair, not even trying to do something with it, but I even thought it would soon break my probably-relationship.
Yet now I see it. Hoshi's brown eyes are different from those other brown ones.
His coffee eyes watch me tenderly, with interest and love, not like those harsh and desireful ones from Takamori. His fingers touch me cautiously and delicately, not with impatience and roughness, and his ears always listen to my words, instead of burying them to the ground with recklessness.
I feel like brainwashed when I realise I used to feel the same with a person, who only makes my life feel like a blooming garden, and with a person who drowns me in a dark place full of anxiety. It's funny how Hoshi makes my heart beat, and makes my cheeks pink, while Takamori makes my heart pound with fear and makes my cheeks red from anger. Takamori makes me want to run away to a dark corner and Hoshi makes me want to go for a sunny, morning run with him. Such big differences, but it felt the same.
Takamori finds me attractive, Hoshi does too, but Hoshi also loves me. He would always be excited to cook me his favourite dish, he smiles at even my smallest achievements and reminds me to take a break from the constant stress that I naturally live in. He watches me with peace when I rest in the warm sunlight, and brings me the most colorful flowers, each with a different special meaning. He perceives my every happy tears, wipes my tear waterfalls of sorrow and loves me at my lowest. Yet I still felt the same.
And I still don't know how his fond touch could remind me of Takamori's, but fortunately it's past now.
Suddenly, I don't feel scared to touch him anymore, because now for real, Hoshi is Hoshi. The first, and brightest star in the night sky, and the most beautiful snowflake in the snow.
My head, overfilled with bad thoughts, falls on his shoulder and lets all the weight go. Yet I can't help it but have a thought on my mind. How could I ever be so indifferent to my problems, how could I forget that I live to solve them? I think, realizing that if I didn't disregard my problems with Takamori, I would've never hurt Hoshi, neither myself. But maybe it was right. Maybe this only proves the strength of our relationship, that even if we have invisible boundaries, we can respect them without our love fading.
I do not hesitate, and definitely break the thick walls between us with our second, genuine kiss. He's the one in this world who teaches me that all the problems are solvable, and that as individuals, we should love others and ourselves. Therefore I find my trust in him, along with safety in his touch.
Eventually I tell Hoshi everything that has been happening throughout these 4 months, and let him listen to my, usually not so open, self. He was seemingly shocked by hearing all this has been happening to me, watching me dish out every painful sentence that has been dwelling on my soul for so long. Hoshi wasn't angry at him at all, instead he decided to let me confide, and compassionately comforted me, offering his help. His eyes glistened with defeat, yet his expression showed support, a person to rely on.
"I had no idea you were going through this Nikko" he says, his words barely audible. "If it's still lasting to this day, let's stop it immediately. Nobody has the right to touch you if it feels uncomfortable. You're not an object. You are a person with emotions, many emotions and they're all beautiful. Happiness, sadness, sometimes anger and then calmness. Your soul is colorful, and it never is going to deserve to be taken its colors"
Hoshi is right. Letting myself drown in grey isn't the way, it never was.
And although I'm finally comfortable admitting to this thing now, I still omitted the name of the person who did all this to me. Maybe I'll tell him one day, but not until I have a word with Takamori himself. This is another chapter (unfortunately hard one, fortunately a short one) that I have to close, by myself.
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After the sunset, I and Hoshi said goodbye with a tight hug and parted our ways.
I first went to my apartment, but after a while of laying around, trying to process today, I decided to confide to Yuki. More than any Takamori, I've been overthinking the way Hoshi reacted to my problem, the way he supported me and understood me with the most natural effort. The way he was talking about it later, how we could discuss a hard topic, but eventually end up honestly smiling because of the both sided comfort. Telling him such a thing is not that scary as it seemed. It is actually pretty good to know that I'm not alone in everything, and I can always come for comfort when I need it. And I love it. I love it so much that my heart is still beating fast, as if the flame of love and happiness got even stronger after I began to realise what has happened. Yet at the same time, it is tearing me apart into small pieces. More than ever, I feel like I truly love him, but isn't it too early? Does he also love me? Really isn't this stupid?
So I get up and walk up the stairs to an apartment above mine. For a little while I considered if I could barge in, or politely knock. I choose something in between. "Yukiii? It's Nikko" I say nervously, as I impatiently knock on the door.
"It's opened-"
I don't even let her finish and get inside. The atmosphere here is calm as always, yet not a single thing reflects Yuki's crazy, artistic personality. The warm lamps are shining, as the outside has already turned dark.
I immediately collapse on her grey sofa, and begin to whine. "Yukiiii"
"Nikko-" she tries to say something, but I don't let her.
"It's him. That guy. From the crossing!" I almost exclaim, words coming out of me as if I was a drama queen "I think I really love him. I love everything about him"
"Nikko…."
"His long and soft, black hair, his eyes, dark like november, his slim yet toned body and his thick fluffy eyebrows, the piercing in his right one. The fact that he is left-handed, his plump lips, and funny english accent, although he can only say like three english words. His perfect korean and even better japanese! His always cold hands and imperfectly perfect nose, and the jawline decorating his squishy face MY GOD! I can continue! His stupid sci-fi and fantasy movies obsession, and the way he always eventually misses their ending because he falls asleep. Making him a morning coffee, watching him ice skate, eating his food, and not ever buying him plants because the only one he has, his roomate takes care of. Petting his cat named Nelson and calling him my star because his name is-"
"Nikko, it's just that my brother is here …"
"WHAT?" I look up from the sofa that my face has been buried in for the past minute. I look up at a guy with long and soft, black hair, eyes dark like november, slim, yet toned body-
"Hoshi?!" My voice hitches.
"Nikko?" He looks like he's trying to process why I'm here, but he's not the only confused one.
"You guys know each other?" Yuki asks, until, when I immediately turn red, she puts the pieces together. "No way…" Her eyes darted between me and Hoshi, who was still confused. She immediately grabs my arm and drags me to the bathroom, so Hoshi cannot hear us.
"Explain that!" Yuki hisses.
"How could I know he was your brother-" I try to enrich myself, but she doesn't let me finish.
"Don't you see it? We look the same!" Yuki notes down, as if they didn't look completely different. Yet I still cannot forgive myself a little note too.
"Yeah, but y'all Asians are ALL the same-" I scoff, but she again speaks over me.
"You know what? Y'all Americans are too! And don't be racist!"
"I'm not American-"
"You're dating my brother!" She screams silently.
"... " well maybe I do, but I don't necessarily need her to know that I even DATE him, now that I know she's his sister… "I wish we were dating…" I try not to be obvious.
"Shut up!" At this moment I'm really not sure if she's pissed off, or she just overreacts as she always does.
I wonder what Hoshi hears. Muted curses and sounds of being beaten up haha. How can he and his sister be so different?