Cherreads

Chapter 223 - Concise Clownery

"Lady Lerna. Sir Argolid. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise, soldier." Lerna said pleasantly, raising a bit of her poofy dress up in a small curtsy to the guards, "Pleasant day to do business isn't it?"

"Indeed it is." The soldier smiled politely, "You said you had business with the head alchemist?"

"That's right. Might you know where I can find them?"

"They're an elusive one for sure. I'm not sure if the head will be there but there will be other alchemists there to do business with you."

"Well so long as I can get a message through to the head alchemist at least." Lerna sighed, "Where might this alchemists' lab be located?"

"Second floor, ma'am. If you take the first staircase you see, it should be the third door to the right."

"Thank you my good man."

With a salute, Lerna and Argolid strolled through the gate into Min al Az'al for the first time.

"I'm impressed you came up with a meeting for us on the spot like that." 'Argolid' said.

"History is the best credential." 'Lerna' smiled, "There's a couple of names I have in my pocket that can be called upon at any moment. Location's the biggest factor. Knowing someone far away is sometimes more helpful than knowing anybody close by."

"Shame we couldn't bring your good friend."

"Yes, well, I'm afraid I only ever prepared for two people. Never needed more than that but perhaps I should given recent circumstances."

"The complications may be more difficult than it's worth given the size of our party."

"Very true indeed, 'Argolid'."

"Now then." Roko said, "Now that we're inside, we should try and find our stop as soon as possible."

"Good thing we got directions from the nice guard outside." Kaguya nodded.

"Ah, look. The staircase that the guard mentioned."

"Why 'Argolid', that staircase goes down and our destination is on the second floor."

"But the man said to use the first staircase we see right?"

"Why 'Argolid', are you suggest we get a bit lost?"

"Not intentionally, mind you."

"Never intentionally. Alright. Let's take a detour."

Walking down the stairs they were not supposed to, Roko and Kaguya found themselves in a well lit dungeon. The opulence of the palace they were in shown clearly in the clean walls and cells that seemed like they rarely saw prisoners. Except for one may lying bored on his cot near the front desk.

"Fancy meeting you here, Alphard."

"You!" Alphard suddenly bolted up and looked confused, "...You are Roko right?"

"Indeed I am, chap." Roko tipped his bowler hat

"Stop it. It feels so weird knowing that it's you." Alphard scowled, "What are you doing here?"

"Well we finished the cure."

"You did?!"

"Yeah. Just came here to borrow some expensive ingredients to start making more."

"I see...but why are you here in the dungeon?"

"I figured I'd check to see if there were any imprisoned rebels I could free."

"Yeah, Sirius doesn't really take prisoners. He doesn't take your rebellion serious enough to bother capturing any of you."

"So he uses this dungeon to put his own people in time out?"

"Shut it." Alphard frowned, "Got thrown in here for a bit of trespassing so I'm just here living out my short sentence."

"You want out?"

"Did you not hear me? I'm living out my short sentence." Alphard scowled, "If you drag me into your little escapade I won't be able to continue my little investigation."

"What ARE you investigating?"

"You already know. The real person behind the poison conspiracy. I'm not saying anything more until I'm ready."

"That's cool." Roko said, "Sure you can't come with us? We could use a bit more information on the layout of this place."

"I don't know every part of this palace myself either." Alphard scoffed, "I'm not even allowed into certain parts of the castle so I won't be able to help much."

"That's okay. The places we're looking for are pretty innocuous."

"You're not here to assassinate Sirius?"

"Good idea." Roko said with facetious enthusiasm, "But no, there's too many unknowns to risk an outright assassination. Besides, Momo wants to fight Kajou and assassinating him would be circumventing that."

"You know, you don't HAVE to listen to what that gorilla wants."

"That gorilla can defeat 100 men so I'd rather have her in good spirits. Besides, it's not that hard to beat one Kajou. It's the rest of the Planetary Stars I'm worried about."

"The amount of confidence you have is astounding."

"On that note, any info on the Planetary Stars besides Kajou?"

"Only stories. Never seen them personally though many people claim you could come across them walking around the city and never know."

"Tell me more about those stories."

"You really got the time for that?"

"That's true. We need to get you out of here."

"Were you not liste-HEY!" Alphard cried as Kaguya finished unlocking his cell, "I didn't ask to get freed!"

"Yeah but you could be useful." Kaguya said, putting away her lockpicking tool, "As a distraction if nothing else."

"Dude, I can't leave this cell! If I escape I'll just be an even worse criminal!"

"What if you were out on parole?"

"I can't just say I'm out on parole! There need to be official documentation in order to prove tha-"

"Ta-da." Kaguya shoved a sheet of paper at Alphard.

"You can't just sign with your own signature, you need the warren's...wait, how'd you get the warren's signature?!"

"Copied it off another document he had signed." Kaguya smirked.

"What the hell, are you some kind of prolific thief that I've never heard of?"

"If I was a prolific thief, would I answer yes to that?"

"...Let's just get this over with." Alphard scowled, walking out of his cell.

Finding the right staircase this time, the now trio walked up and found the alchemy lab that was conveniently marked with appropriate signage for anybody to find. Stepping inside, they found an alchemy lab that was probably larger than the entirety of the rebellion base. There were shelves and desks everywhere with books and papers and tools sorted and littered all around and yet the floors were still wide enough for all three of them to stand and walk side by side. A few alchemists were walking around in fancy robes making small talk, only taking a short notice of their arrival before one of them rushed over while the rest returned to their work.

"It's good to see you, Lady Lerna." The alchemist nodded, "You're here for a tour of our facility are you not?"

"Indeed, though I was hoping to do some business with the head alchemist as well." 'Lerna' said.

"The head alchemist is very busy with his research. I'm afraid he doesn't have time for this meeting. All of us here would be willing to help you with any business you have in mind."

"Oh very well. Let us begin."

"Uuhh, if I may ask, Lady Lerna." The alchemist glanced at Alphard, "What is this man doing here? He's supposed to be in the dungeon is he not?"

"Is he not on parole?"

"Parole? Did that happen?"

"That's what I've been told."

"Well...I guess that's fine. But why is he with you?"

"He helped us find this place. I'd like to keep him around to help us navigate this great castle."

"We could have someone else do it for you but okay." the alchemist shrugged, "Now onto business..."

The alchemist was about to say something when the lights in the room suddenly shut down and much of their equipment stopped working.

"What's going on?" Lerna asked.

"That's odd." The alchemist frowned, "Did something happen with the breaker?"

"Peculiar." Lerna said, "Are there any important machines that need to remain powered around here?"

"Oh good god, the test chamber! All hands to the test chamber!"

All the alchemists rushed to the back of the room, filing through a thick steel door. Though when Lerna and company tried to follow them, they were stopped by their alchemist friend.

"Sorry, but this is an important personal project the head alchemist has been working on. If you'd like you can wait out here. My apologies but the head would be very angry if we do not rescue his experiment at this moment."

"I see. Take care then." Lerna said as they closed the heavy steel door on them.

"So was that part of your plan or..." Alphard asked.

"What do you think?" Kaguya smirked.

"I'm thinking you were responsible but I have no idea how you could've done it."

"Heh heh heh… Roko?"

"I hacked into their electrical grid." Roko said, holding up a rather complex looking spell seal, "Cut off all electricity to the room."

"You can do that?!" Alphard said, surprised.

"Well if they didn't have a magic based electrical system, I wouldn't have been able to do this."

"So you knew they had a magical electric grid?"

"Took some digging but I did manage to dig up that fact, yes."

"And you knew about the test chamber?"

"That we didn't know." Kaguya said, "Though I am deathly curious now."

"Hope it's not anything that we'll have to deal with later."

"You just know we will."

"Yeah..."

"Anyway."

Kaguya clicked something on her belt and the poofy skirt of her dress dropped to the ground, opening up to reveal a mesh cage underneath it keeping it up as Kaguya walked out with casual pants underneath.

"Let's start loading up our little shopping cart." Kaguya smirked, "I have list here for the items we need. Don't worry if you can't identify any of them without any labels. I can find them on my own."

"I have my second spell so that shouldn't be a problem." Roko replied as he looked over the list.

"Oh! Very true. Then I guess this'll just apply to Alphard then.

"Hang on, we're not going to just skip over this right?" Alphard pointed to the skirt contraption, "What the hell is that?!"

"Kaguya's Special Contraption #7: A Lady's Fourth Pocket." Kaguya grinned.

"You made this?!"

"Not this one specifically. I had a smaller prototype that I had a special handyman scale up for me."

"Why do you have this?!"

"Espionage. Duh."

"Okay but why is it called 'A Lady's Fourth Pocket'?!"

"Why Alphard, are you really going to be so crass to ask a lady about her secrets?"

"Time's a wasting." Roko said as he began to rifle through cabinets for the ingredients they needed, "Stop asking questions."

"Wait, but the security cameras!" Alphard pointed to a discreet magical orb set up near the ceiling in a corner of the room.

"They run on a separate energy supply than the main grid but I hacked that too."

"Okay one more question: What do you mean by 'hacking'?"

"I'm not revealing all my secrets to someone who says they're still enemies with me."

"Cheapskate." Alphard mumbled as he began looking through the shelves.

In short time, the trio had identified all the materials they needed and tied them to the mesh cage underneath the skirt. After closing the skirt back around Kaguya's waist, their little thievery attempt was all ready to be smuggled out.

"You know you're all busted if anyone even brushes against the skirt right?" Alphard frowned.

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that." Kaguya smirked, "Try kicking it."

"You serious?"

"Yeah."

With a shrug, Alphard kicked the skirt and had to stifle a cry as the skirt and the steel cage underneath bent inward like a normal skirt before returning to it's normal poofy state.

"What the hell is that?!" Alphard hissed.

"Fuyukian metal." Kaguya giggled, "Metal 'enchanted' by using unique local materials to give it different properties."

"What's the secret ingredient for this one?" Roko asked.

"Rubber Snail mucus."

"Neat."

"How are you so used to this?"

"I had a 'Fuyukian' staff once. Was quite the shock for me the first time."

"I'm not even going to ask anything. Except for, what now?" Alphard asked, "Do we just leave or do we return the electricity and finish the tour?"

"I'm feeling a bit peckish." Kaguya said, "Do you know where the mess hall is?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know where the food storage is?"

"Trying to plunder supplies next?" Alphard shook his head, "Fine, whatever. Plenty here anyway."

"One more thing before we leave though." Kaguya said before walking over to one of the bubbling experiments the alchemists had been working on and dripping a strange liquid into one of the beakers.

"Okay, done." Kaguya said as she returned, "Let's go."

"What did you do?" Alphard asked like a tired parent.

"Just sabotaged one of their experiments." Kaguya smiled as she placed a vial back on the shelf, "In about...mmm...10 minutes, that experiment will explode and start a massive fire that will consume this room."

"What?! Why would you do that?!"

"Why Alphard, did you not notice while we were searching? The Nessus poison originated here and is still being developed here. We can't let that continue can we?"

"I...but a fire?"

"No one's getting hurt here." Kaguya shrugged, "Do you see anyone?"

"You're asking me to turn a REALLY blind eye here."

"True. Want to become a rebel again?"

"I've still got work here." Alphard sighed, "Whatever. Fine. To lunch we go."

After feasting on a lavish meal of Medium Rare Wagyu Beef with Lobster Fried Rice and Prädikatswein, a normal meal of Toulouse Foie Gras and Sazerac garnished with caviar and a modest meal of Beef Wellington with Royal Hot Chocolate, Alphard sneaked them into the food storage room.

"I don't know how much more room you got under that dress but you probably won't be able to take much." He said as he closed the door behind them.

"Take?" Kaguya and Roko both looked up as they finished placing a vial of golden liquid and a note on a table.

"What are you doing this time?" Alphard frowned as he came over to read the note, "'One crate of food here has been poisoned. If anyone gets sick, just use this panacea.' You poisoned our food?!"

"Nope."

"Then...what's this about?"

"We're just returning this panacea they gave us." Kaguya smirked, "The panacea that Sirius tried to pass off as a cure all while still poisoning it."

"He did that?! That's messed up." Alphard frowned, "But still, this doesn't seem right."

"No, it's fine, we removed the poison."

"So...there's no poison anywhere?"

"Nope."

"...So what's the point?"

"We get up to a bit of mischief." Kaguya smiled.

"A little tomfoolery." Roko added.

"A slight gag."

"Some minor misconduct."

"Some fleeting foolishness."

"...So there's no poison in the food or the panacea...you just want to make them paranoid."

"Yes."

"...Eh, they deserve it."

"I'm glad you're in for some short shenanigans." Kaguya giggled.

"If it helps, the only one who would be worried about the panacea would be Sirius and his collaborator." Roko added.

"That helps a little." Alphard sighed, "Still, are we all done now?"

"Yep. We can leave."

"Good. Let's get you two out of here ASAP."

"Oh, Boss Alphard! Hey!" The gate guard that had welcomed them at the start of the day waved as his boss escorted Roko and Kaguya out of the castle, "Uuhh...aren't you supposed to be in confinement?"

"I got out on parole."

"That quickly?"

"Don't ask me, I don't know the details." Alphard sighed.

"So uhh...what's Lady Lerna and Argolid doing with you?"

"They asked me for directions so I escorted them through the premises for the day."

"Did you see the fire in the alchemical lab?"

"Yes. I assume an experiment went poorly."

"That's what everybody's been saying sir. Are the sir and lady okay? They came here to visit the lab didn't they?"

"We left before the fire started. Electrical issues delayed their meeting so we went off to lunch early."

"I heard about that too, sir." The guard nodded, "Are they leaving now?"

"Yes. Give us a bit of space won't you?"

"Oh yeah sure."

As the polite guard moved away, Alphard turned to his two 'guests', "'Lerna and Argolid'? Really?"

"Why do you have to be so judgmental?" Kaguya faked a soft sob, "It worked out just fine didn't it?"

"Yeah it worked this ONE time." Alphard growled, "It's not going to work again."

"Why not?"

"You can escape today but your actions have been VERY suspicious. They're going to suspect you for everything gone wrong today and you're going to have a hard time getting back in with these identities."

"Why sir Alphard, all we did was try to get a meeting with the head alchemist only for circumstances to go poorly." Kaguya said, "That's not our fault."

"Cut the act."

"Well if you insist." Kaguya smirked, "But it's only suspicious if we disappear after this incident. Essentially discarding these names after we're done. A little bit of aftercare can help not only lengthen the life of an identity but strengthen its narrative."

"Are you saying you're going to show up here again?"

"Nope. Just a little exchange of letters explaining our circumstances and concluding the business we came for."

"Do you even want anything from Sirius' alchemists?"

"I'll come up with something."

"Well it still sounds like you won't be able to come back here anyway."

"Oh trust me." Kaguya smiled, "Next time we try to infiltrate the castle, nobody will even notice."

"Are you kidding me? Do you even know how many guards are stationed at this castle?"

"Oh in great detail."

"...You know, it's scary that I actually believe you."

"I'm flattered." Kaguya giggled ominously.

"...You have some amazing allies." Alphard said, turning to Roko.

"They're the same allies I had since I arrived here." Roko replied, "So I'm well aware of how reliable they are."

"You're a lucky person. How enviable."

"I likewise respect your ability to work alone." Roko sighed, "If I could resolve everything on my own I would."

"Heh. Grass is always greener I suppose." Alphard chuckled, "But it takes a lot more effort to bring people together than going at it alone."

"It's not a matter of what I do." Roko turned around as he prepared to leave, "It's how illogical it is to meet so many people able to do so much by themselves and ask them to follow orders from someone as weak as me."

And before anyone could respond, 'Argolid' walked off.

Alphard stood there, a bit befuddled but when he turned to 'Lerna' she just shrugged with a knowing smile and followed her companion back to the other side of the wall.

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