Warning
The content shown in this episode is not suitable for minors. It usually extends scenes that disturb the reader and can cause high sensitivity in the reader. What is described in these scenes does not belong to real events nor are they intended to praise these types of actions. Each character acts by himself and does not represent real actions, everything is fiction.
Its purpose is to persuade and/or help those who go through similar situations.
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"Fear sharpens the senses. Anxiety paralyzes them."
Kurt Goldstein
Dominick
He trembled, unable to control it.
My lower lip moved quickly, and a sound of agony came out of my vocal cords that I couldn't stop because it was burning, my skin was burning from the intense cold spread by the water coming out of there. I was aware, felt and could hear a little what was happening around me, but my visions had a higher force, which drove me crazy. He was here, he looked at me with a lot of hatred, even if it was a vision or whatever that was, I could feel his hatred and his anger against me.
—Because of you I'm dead. —he repeated, as he approached.
And she appeared here. —Damn, Dominick.
—Mom. —I sighed, in a depressive tone.
—Why didn't you save me? —she claimed, approaching Kelvin. —Why didn't you do anything to save me? Why can't you repair what you destroy, Dom?
Still shivering from the cold, I implored him to leave me alone. I covered myself in Adam's arms, but I kept seeing them. They were still there, and they didn't shut up. They didn't stop torturing me. —If you had been the way your father wanted, you wouldn't be so useless. —Kelvin spoke. —But you're just a fucking faggot who likes to eat cocks and destroy things.
—If you had not been born I would have been an exemplary father. You are a shame to me, Dom. —Ricardo added, joining them with a crimson red in his eyes.
And all of them were here. —If you hadn't come into my life, my sister would be fine.
—Dominick, why did you do this to me? —Mia appeared, among them, with her body in shit from the cuts and a very large, wide line that occupied her crotch. —If it weren't for you, it would be fine, Dominick.
He started laughing. And they all did it together too. They made fun of me, who was kneeling in that dark place, with both hands on his ears, trying not to hear those words.
I was just crying out for them to shut up, to forgive me because I was to blame for everything. —Let me die to pay my guilt, I'm to blame for everything!
And that authoritarian voice, my father, was present—, you will not be able to die —he laughs and the color of his eyes becomes even more intense—, because living is the wages of your sin, Dom.
I kept shaking and saying no, as I held on tightly to Adam's arm. —Don't leave me alone, little brother. —I begged him, clinging closer to him.
That day, when I saw her in that clinic, I could feel safe again, she was there, and I wanted her to be close to me again. I needed her, I swear I needed her to be happy.
Why does she generate this level of security?
My brother took me out of the clinic and took me home, that's what I knew. It was very bad and he kept saying her name over and over again. Everyone was here when Adam put me in the cold shower.
She once told me that she loved me, I listened to her. She told me that she felt things for me, that she felt that she loved me like I loved her. But she's not here, because it's all my fault. Because I destroyed everything that was being built, I can't stop thinking about it.
I love her.
Yeah. I love her too much. And I know she does too, I just have to be okay, I just have to... I just have to tell her that I love her so she can come back to me. Because she loves me, right?
And at that moment, the demons in my head told me; —Nobody will ever love you. No one can love you because you don't know how to take care of anything, because you are a monster. You're just an ugly monster.
Heh, that's it. I'm a monster and that's why she's not with me. It's my fault that everything is like this. —If you weren't here, everything would be fine. —That voice spoke to me, again in my head. Their laughter continued and they were still there.
They didn't stop destroying me.
—I'm a monster. —I complained between tremors and cramps.
Those laughs...
Stop. Don't do this.
«It's your fault...» —I heard them in my agony.
Stop. Please.
«It's all your fault»
And his laughter was still in an empty background.
Don't destroy me.
—ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! —I shouted loudly, pushing Adam aside. I ran scared to I don't know where. It was a narrow space in the hallways where I was, I ran into a dark room and he sang his laugh behind my back as I fled and hid in the closet;
—Dominick... where are you?
I was silent because I was afraid he would hit me again. He trembled behind the door of that gloomy closet. I heard his footsteps coming for me, he was here. —where are you, Dominick? —He sang that melodic, but sinister way of speaking again.
He opened the door, forcibly knocking it over as he screamed; —OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, BRAT!
—Stay away! Don't hit me! —I begged, horror running through my veins. If that man hit me again, he would destroy me immediately.
His hands ran quickly to hit me and the mist of darkness that surrounded me disappeared when my brother's hands touched my arm. Tears came out of my eyes without being able to control that feeling of rage for being such a coward and not being able to face my father.
—I miss mommy... —I lamented, clinging to my brother who asked me to calm down. —Little brother...
The attacks at that time ceased. The voices in my head were still there. He seemed to have a nervous tic, he looked for the voices, looking with fear to the sides. I had come to a psychologist with Adam, it was my first therapy.
—We are victims of the physical and psychological abuse of our father who died. —Adam expressed to the lord. I watched the light coming through the office window. It was a large place that made me feel somewhat strange.
I stopped hearing their voices and the one that now succumbed inside me was my dad's. I had no notion of time, I didn't know how much had happened since that day.
«Dominick, do it» —corrupted that voice inside me.
The psychologist agreed to talk to me alone. And he started asking questions after sitting down again. I was still looking at that wonderful light that came through that window.
—How are you feeling, Dom? —The man began his questionnaire.
—I can't define it yet. —I expressed, frowning a little. —It's like I feel like my nightmare isn't over yet.
—What nightmare, Dom?
I pursed my lips and stood for a second remembering the last attacks. Those, where I end a girl's life. —The one I have to wake up from every day after leaving one... —I shut up to start talking again—. When I woke up from that nightmare, her blood was on my hands. It had ended her and what we had achieved together. I had separated the body of the woman in my life into small pieces. I couldn't stand the anguish, but I didn't feel sorry. I didn't feel anything because I was happy that Dad didn't torture me anymore.
I killed my little son, because he told me to do it every day.
I killed the woman of my life, because that would set me free and between her and me, I had already chosen him.
I became the monster that was my father, I let myself be won by him and I don't regret it.
—You have children?
—No. No. —I reaffirmed my answer. —But he tells me that he is my son, something I built with her. —I got lost, remembering what happens in nightmares. —I can't even see the child. I don't even know what it's like... but... I'm the one who finishes everything.
He wrote in his notebook. —And she? Who is she? —he inquired.
—The woman I love. To the woman I need to be well. —involuntary and stupid laughter took over me. —Emily. The girl who nailed herself here —I pointed my chest at my heart. —And if she's not there, I don't know what to do.
—Dom, would you tell me about her?
And a curved line was drawn on my face. Talking about her made me feel good. And I expressed it to the doctor. —When I met her, it will sound stupid, but I clicked with her. I felt a strange current that made my skin crawl. —A cold hugger ran through me, something that made me remember that moment. —Look. And it happens every time I think about her. —I showed the doctor that my skin had gone goosebumps. He smiled. —And being what I was, an uncontrollable sex addict, for some reason, something in me prevented me from wanting to treat her the same. She simply made a difference.
—How were you feeling, Dom?
—She showed me that she loved me, and that made me fall in love with her. That he didn't leave my side when I told him he was a monster. And I know that she also feels the same, something inside me shouts at me, to look for her, not to separate myself from her. —I expressed, happily.
—Is it love you feel, Dom? —he asked suddenly, making me doubt my words.
—Yes. —I confirmed immediately. —I am here with you because I promised her that I would be cured. It is not like that?
He was silent. I didn't understand why he spoke to me like that, as if he didn't believe what he had said. —Excuse me, what is your name?
—Immanuel. —he responded, with strangeness on his face.
—Good. —I settled down to stare at him—. Let's see, Emmanuel. I tell him that... Someone told me as a child that if I didn't do good for others, there was no point in being alive. And I am to blame for everything that has happened in the lives of many people. —He tried to speak, but I stopped him. —I have to pay for my mistakes to be okay with everyone. And if not that doesn't happen, I'll go crazy.
—Dom...
—Me, me, look at me. —I made gestures pointing at myself. —I'm trash.
Those words were not lies.
I felt like trash because that's how it was since I was born. No one could change that, but they could endure it. If she is with me.
—And only she can make a change here. —I finished, giving him my best smile.
All my life I thought I had wanted something...
Maybe that would repair all the damage I do.
All my life I wanted my name, my existence, everything I did to be erased from people's memories.
I left that place with my brother, after he stayed talking to Enmanuel for a long time in the afternoon. My brother, after leaving there, didn't say a word. He was like flying, as if his head was lost.
When I arrived at the apartment with Adam, I found a surprise that destabilized me again. Steven was here. I remembered that day in the parking lot, I remembered each of his kisses, I remembered that we had agreed to get married; and in the end, he did like everyone else: abandon me at my worst moment.
The moment I saw him, I started to shake. An inexplicable feeling that doesn't happen to me with anyone and I don't think it has ever happened to me. He was changed, he was strange. Quieter.
And suddenly... Is that how everyone was now?
—It's you... —I spoke to him, amazed by his presence.
—Dom... I...
—I was with you. —I expressed as if to tell him that I was remembering everything. —You and I... were getting married... right?
He stuttered. —Y-yes. That's how it is.
—How did I ruin everything again? What did I do? —I expressed with a lump in my throat. I couldn't remember everything exactly, but I know that everything that has happened and why it all ended is my fault. —I want to try again. —I said without thinking.
And for a moment I realized that incredibly I felt things for two people at the same time, something inexplicable that he generated in me and something unique that she gave me.
What is this?
—What? —was the only thing I heard him say.
—I ruined everything with you. —I blurted out. —I was to blame for everything... I want to make amends for that. I want to fall in love with you again.
He left that afternoon. He ran from me without saying a word, leaving me with a sour, ugly bitterness in my throat. He wouldn't let me tell him I wanted to start what I ruined, I just wanted a chance.
Now. What do I do with this horrible feeling? Why does my body shake when I am close to him?
Adam.
Our lives changed forever. Dom won't be the same boy anymore, I don't know how Dom will recover from all these atrocities we've been through.
My little brother, even though we are the same age, he has not yet enjoyed his childhood, the actions he has carried out very early on have been the fault of a death penalty for which he is not to blame. Nobody really has it.
Hanler and his mother, Nadia, accompanied us quickly since they found out what had happened to Dominick. They couldn't believe or process anything I told him. Erik, he was Hanler's partner now, so he came too.
Harry stayed taking care of Mia as she came back, because I asked him to. His brother was there, but I have no familiarity with him. Even those of us who had gone through so much had no way to respond to the latest things that were happening, we just let them happen and trample us, until we found a way out of this.
Nothing was right. Nor would I be.
To take care of others I had to be fine first, but there was no time for anything. Dominick needed me and even if I ended up disappearing, I wouldn't leave him alone. He needs me.
We put Dom, completely out of his mind, under cold water. A horrible situation in which he kept shouting his deep hatred and guilt towards himself. Dom was disappearing and I was afraid that he would be lost forever, that he would become what Dad was.
I didn't want to leave this earth without first making sure my brother would be okay again.
I hugged my brother tightly, I didn't want him to end up destroying himself any more than he already was. I hated hearing what she said about him, but I couldn't stop her from saying it. Nadia, Hanler and Erik accompanied me, and did not stop crying with me. —Nadia, my little brother...
I talked to Nadia about Dominick, I told her what we would do with him after what happened, when Dom came into the closet with the Psycho that made him believe that Dad was here. I was afraid. And I was terrified by that action.
I couldn't take it anymore. And it would lead us to seek help.
Several days passed in which I decided to find the best therapy for my brother and me. Money was no longer a problem, because the police and judges decided to leave it to us, since we needed it a lot, that money that my father kept as a lawyer worker.
Many times at night, Dom would wake up saying meaningless things: —I KILLED HER! I'm a murderer! Look at my hands! I was the one who killed her!
—Calm down, little brother. Everything happened, it was just a bad dream.
—No. It's not, it's not a bad dream. —he stated, looking to the sides, watching and looking for something, someone... —He told me to do it... him-
—Dom...
He was joking at me, telling me to shut up with his finger in my mouth—, shhh.. He will hear you if you speak too loudly. He comes. And he will tell me to kill you too...
His brow furrowed completely, a face of deep sadness, pouting innocently that would fill anyone who saw it with tenderness. —He wants me to become his shadow. He wants me to become him, little brother. —he said in desperation as he sought to hide in my arms. —I don't want him to tell me to kill you... I don't want to be a murderer. —he lamented in his tears.
Actions I forgot the next morning.
The nightmares did not end, because several nights he found threatening messages on the door: "You will pay for your father's mistakes. We are watching you.
Now our enemies were more.
And that phrase "you reap what you sow" is so right; Ricardo sowed a world of darkness, fear, hatred, resentment, a world full of aberrant actions; a world of terror that slowly took over our souls.
This continued like this for a long time, the nightmares becoming more intense each time; He, two nights after two weeks, was in the kitchen with a knife in hand, finding it, he began to talk about it again:
—I don't want him to keep telling me to do it. He wants me to finish everyone off. I can't... —He spoke in desperation, pointing his trembling hands at me with the knife.
—Dom, put that knife down... —with one hand and cautiously I approached him who was looking around, without stopping shaking. —Please...
—Do you hear it? He tells me to do it... —he repeated again—, tell him to shut up, please... I'd rather die than hurt you.
He aimed at himself, and in a desperate act, quickly tore his bare chest, as he was only wearing pajamas. A large wound opened on his body, and after this, his screams came out high-pitched, he saw me in fear, with my mouth open in his scream; It was a horrible scene.
I ran towards him to take the knife that I would now bury in his chest. —I'm going to do it, I'll do it, just shut up! —He let out a cry for help, repeating that "shut up" from which he hung for a few seconds, pushing hard to stab himself with the knife.
—DOM! WAIT! —I ran up to him, grabbing his hand tightly. Blood ran from the wound on his body and fell to the ground, our strength struggled and the knife trembled in our hands, the tip was against his chest, almost stuck inside him, and he looked at me with his eyes wide open, the olive green color of his eyes that watched me with fear, horrible agony, that "help" in his eyes that destroyed me.
Between the struggle, Dom squeezed the knife harder while I tried to make him let it go, I shook his hands abruptly and it fell to some side of the kitchen that was protected by the little light given by the chandelier that illuminated the breakfast nook in the kitchen. kitchen.
—All's well. Everything is fine now. —I hugged him and covered him in my arms, pressing the blood that was in his chest to help him not continue coming out.
I called Nadia, she came right away. They called the ambulance, the apartment was full of uniformed officers.
Dom was still bleeding, I feared for him.
The paramedics were helping him, while he collected things in a box;—I must seek help for him soon—he commented to Nadia while hiding, with their help, things that could be used as a weapon.
—Is it because of his father that he is like this?
—Yeah. He alone is to blame for all the shit that happens in the family. —I responded immediately, saving a photograph where I was with mom, a beautiful memory. I stared at her for a few seconds;
—She is proud of you, because you are being strong for your brother. —She spoke, seeing that I didn't say anything. I looked towards Dom, who was in the room being attended to.
He looked around, up, he was looking for something, he was looking for that stormy voice that kept him prisoner.
Dom, as the days went by, no longer remembered anything of what had happened. He didn't even ask about the wound on his chest, as if something in him knew he had done it.
I searched without any result, with low hopes throughout Spain, for someone who knew something or understood what was happening. It's also been a while since I talked to Harry about Mia, but I'm sure if there was any news, he would already know.
It hurt me a lot to see how my brother was disappearing. It was like watching a horror movie that, no matter how much we wish something bad didn't happen to whoever we love, we can't do anything, we can't change it because it's already written. Because it already was and will end like the person who wrote it, I wanted to.
The days passed, Dom's birthday was almost here, it was the first week of July and he had already found a place, where they did not treat us like strangers; a perfect place, we had gone to the seventh appointment with that doctor, Enmanuel Pinto. One of the best psychiatrists in Spain. After several hours with him there, and evaluating the situation of both of them, I knew that I also needed help. But Dom needed even more.
—I have the results of your brother's first evaluation, young Adam. —He spoke to me, just before I headed home.
I swallowed hard. —Yes, tell me.
—His brother has an emotional dependence on a girl he says is his girlfriend... —begins to speak. —His brother is in a critical state of this disease, since he convinced himself a while ago that he is the culprit of everything that happens around him. And to stabilize this, it is basically impossible.
Her brother is convinced that the only person who can solve and help with his sex addiction problems and "heal" his gigantic wound is her.
All of this comes as a result of childhood disorders, where he did not receive adequate care and where he was a victim of abuse or mistreatment. Emotional dependence is created or arrives when someone shows love to the affected person and, being basically new in these cases, they take it as new experiences that make them feel comfortable with something that no one has ever given them.
In the end, the person creates dependence on this other person who demonstrates it and transforms it into "love", when basically what they want is the security that that other person provides them, since they like it and it makes them feel good.
In summary;
Dom is incapable of feeling love for anyone. It only creates dependency which confuses. Dom, you can never love someone because they are too hurt.
A strong crash again would cause him to fall. And we could lose the Dom who is able to listen and speak. The Dom who is able to say what he feels.
—Little brother... —I managed to whisper, I was impressed. His mouth was half open and he couldn't complement or finish processing that harsh reality. —He doesn't even remember the first sessions we came to.
—It must be his memory illness. —he explained. —We can start treating this as soon as possible. We need this to not get out of control.
And then I realized... how much I missed my mom. The urge to cry invaded me, they were running all over my body. And without saying anything else, I went home to Dom.
It caused me great anguish how happy he looked. I didn't know if I had forgotten everything already, I didn't know how much I remembered and it made me very sad to see that shine in his eyes, that innocence... that innocence that was taken away so long ago.
When I arrived at my apartment, Nadia had left the house organized. It was helping me a lot and right now I needed to talk to someone, I needed to get all this out of me.
«Is my son. And for a mother to save her child, there is no danger.» —my mother's voice said in my mind.
Remembering about her, I couldn't help but cry. I hadn't processed the situation yet and it filled me with a lot of anger. How frustrating it all was!
How could I handle everything like that?
—Adam... little brother. —spoke Dom, who found me with my back against the bed, sitting on the cold floor and crying without stopping. He, without saying anything else, came up to me and locked me in his arms. —Don't cry anymore, little brother. I'll be here to protect you, okay?
And he did it again.
Dom touched that point in me that makes me fragile, that point so small that only he knows how to touch. Dom was always my support as a child, now he is the one who needs me and continues to make me feel safe.
It's so innocent.
I needed a hug like that.
After a few seconds, he was already crying like a child who has a pacifier taken away. I clung tighter to his hug. I wanted him to always be like this, for Dom to go back to being the same as before, the boy before losing everything.
I headed to Nadia's house, I needed her advice, her help. I needed him so I wouldn't collapse even more. He wanted to be strong for Dom, to be his hero.
I left Dom alone at home, I trusted him not to do something stupid.
When I got to Nadia's house, I found her crying;—Hey, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying? Where is Hanler?
—Adam... I don't know what to do with so much guilt. —He began to speak in sobs.
—what's wrong with you? Why do you say it? —She was shaking her nose, I sat next to her, there was a gray armchair from the furniture of the house. I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked at me, placing her hand on mine that was on her shoulder.
—I'm a fool. How did I not see it?! Ricardo abused Hanler all this time! —I felt very frustrated, at that moment I didn't know what to say, because it was the truth.
A few weeks ago he told me everything that happened with Hanler, something incredible that left me in complete confusion, it was as if I had never met my father, he was a complete stranger and did aberrant things.
Since I was little I knew there was something wrong with dad. I always knew he was hiding something from us, but I never thought knowing would cost us so many lives...
—I have always lived making bad decisions. —he said in his lament. —Since I slept with that man who got me pregnant in Colombia, he did not take care of him and that is why, in my naivety and inexperience as a mother, I thought that he could give me the roof and family that my child needed. —He looked at me and there was great sadness and disappointment in his eyes.
—I'm here. And you are here, and now you can give him the support he needs. —I was trying to encourage him.
—It was more than 10 years, Adam. How can I give back all those years?
—He's going to understand, he was going through all that for you, because he loves you... him —she stopped me to yell at him:
—He had a hard time because it's my fault for being such an idiot! —the moment he stands up to say it. —I hate myself! Do you understand that? —He pulled my hand and started pushing me out, angry. —Go away, go away, please go away. I need to be alone. I need to think. —He let go of me and put his hair up in complete frustration.
—I don't want to leave you alone... me-
—Get out of my house! —he shouted for the last time. And swallowing my words, I turned to leave.
And I left her alone. I thought about it from the door, but I didn't know how to help her. I figured I'd know what to do.
I wanted to go visit Mia then, but there was another surprise there.
Ethan.
Five weeks ago...
A few weeks ago I confessed to Verónica everything that happened in my nightmares, she was shocked for several days, days in which I did not leave Mia. I kept feeling guilty and with a deep and immense desire to cry and I didn't stop crying until she gave her first sign of life.
Before this happened, Harry, Dom's brother's English-only friend, had also stayed here to take care of Mia, several times he would wake up watching her while I fell asleep from exhaustion.
He also covered me several times so I could go take a shower. What I mean is that; somehow he felt connected to her. I may be in love or I may be wrong, but if it's not love, it's a real friendship.
Two weeks after being here, not knowing more about Adam or Dominick, I hardly saw Verónica anymore. She was strange and avoided me, I almost didn't have time to talk to her since I was busy with Mia all the time.
Several times Harry told me to talk to him, but I wasn't born. Something inside me told me that she already hated me for what happened to my past. She couldn't stand me being the monster I told her about.
Starting the third week of being here, waiting for some reaction from Mia, about the doctors so that they would say something new, but there was none; I found Veronica smiling talking to a boy. He was 1.89 tall by eye, he was a handsome boy, he was someone that, at the time, I did not identify.
An attack of jealousy took hold of me and I ran towards where they were, in the middle of the clinic room, where I heard their laughter; I was having a great time. My closed fist connected with his cheek, where apparently there were screams before, I hit the boy who fell on his buttocks to the ground.
—Stop! For now! —Veronica shouted, pulling my arm. I slipped away to grab the boy who was still on the floor, without reacting to what had happened.
—Let go of me! Let go of me! —I yelled at him in my fury.
—Don't touch it! He is my best friend! —She stopped me, getting between my fist and her face. I almost hit her.
With tears in my eyes, narrowing my eyes in ironic doubt, I looked at her with contempt and she noticed: —And this now? What is it? —I asked my question, crossing my arms.
—I didn't know who to talk to... he's just supporting me... —He began to explain to me, but I was too upset to understand it.
—does he fuck you while I'm having a hard time with my sister, that? —I blurted out, further souring the situation. Some people stared at us.
—Don't you understand, asshole? —He added, whom I looked at with a lot of accumulated anger, which I wanted to punch in his face. The tension continued to rise. —All the shit you told him has made her terrible, man. I'm just supporting her. Don't you see it?
I looked at her and she was crying, it was true. —I'm scared... I don't know how to help you because I didn't even know how to react to what happened in your childhood. —She approached me and, after helping the boy stand up, put her hand on my face, touching me gently.
—Why didn't you tell me? —I spoke in a faint whisper.
—Because you already have too much, love. I couldn't say that what you told me made me feel bad because that would destroy you more. I would much rather you believed this than hate me for screwing you in your moment of weakness.
I felt his guilt, and I felt worse. I was the one who made her be like this. —It's my fault...
—Yeah man. It is. —he blurted out, without any filter.
—Aidan. —she intervened. —Don't go too far.
—It's the truth, aunt. This man has chosen the worst time to come with his emotional disasters. It sucks no matter how you look at it.
—Shut up! —she yelled at him, slapping him.
—I'm sorry if? But someone had to tell him the truth.
He is right. And I just looked down. I'm a mess, I'm a shit. —Thanks man. —was the only thing that came out. I left the place and headed to the bathrooms, Verónica followed me and I heard her stop.
I really wanted to be alone. So maybe I would be the only one I would destroy. —Fuck! I'm shit! —I howled knocking on the bathroom door. I turned on my back and slid my back into a cold door, falling into the depths again.
I didn't stop crying, and I heard his voice from outside, —Ethan, love. Please let me in. —I felt her close, she was there, on the other side of the door, trying to keep me warm. But I didn't want to hurt him anymore.
I slammed my back on the door, angry; —Go away! I want to be alone!
—Ethan... please... —he insisted, already with a muffled tone in his voice.
—I don't want to hurt you... —I spoke to him, my throat closed. With severe chest pain, it was my fault. —Damn, I'm a fucking asshole! —I grumbled.
—Ethan... you are the mess I want. You are the mess I want to help repair. Stop —, offending you because that simply makes me fall more in love with you. —her voice, nervous and trembling, with high fear of what she might say or do so as not to "harm" me; —I admit that I was a fool... I should have told you... support you and not walk away like that in these last few weeks. But I needed to stop thinking about that, it was a very strong shock. —snorted his nose. —But I know, all that remains is to overcome this stage and continue. You understand, right love?
—Why don't you leave me? Why do you want to continue with the monster that I am? —That's what came out, between whining.
—Because monsters don't feel. Monsters don't cry or regret it. —She spoke—, because if you are a monster as you say, I would be the Beauty of your story. —she finished.
I opened the door and stood crying in his arms, it felt too good to end immediately.
—I need you, my queen. —I tried hard not to look so weak, so fragile, but I couldn't, there was a lot of pain here.
That situation ended. I hadn't improved that much but having her here gave me security to continue well for my sister. Several times I wanted to talk to Harry, but he didn't say anything. It was just like he was avoiding everything to stay focused on her. I no longer knew whether to be calm or scared of his presence.
Adam came from time to time to see my sister's condition, he only spoke with Harry, as if they had their own code, or their original language that no one and no one else but them understood. It was a bit annoying, but it was understandable. Many things had happened in his life.
In week four, I wanted to go find out about Dom, I saw the last time he left here badly. When talking to Adam, he gave me his address, but having it, I didn't know what to do with it. I literally went there and heard Dom's voice; He heard himself laughing, I understand how happy he was with the people who hurt him, far away.
I stood at the door and wanted to knock, but I couldn't do it. I just couldn't because I felt like shit.
I mean, man.
Those words didn't come out of my head; I know very well that I behaved like an asshole with him. I didn't know anything because I was too blind to see him crying out for help.
I feel very stupid for not understanding it. And that day, I was in front of the door for a long time, but I didn't dare go in or say I wanted to see it.
I left that afternoon and returned to the clinic with a knot in my chest that felt terrible. I wanted to cry, I felt too weak, there were too many things together and I no longer knew what to do with so much.
His eyes were closed, she still didn't respond. I swear I lost hope.
—Any news? —Restlessly, I asked Harry, who was watching my sister from the couch.
The doctors didn't say anything anymore.
They just maintained us and didn't listen to us. It was more torture than we had accumulated.
Week number five has arrived. She woke up suddenly as she entered the room and Harry was talking to her. —She has woke up! —he shouted, with excitement. I jumped with excitement and got too close, while calling the doctors.
—Little sister, it's me, Ethan. —he said with his hands in mine. She looked everywhere, as if searching for something that was lost. As if processing its environment.
His breathing sounded labored from the vent held in his mouth. The sparkle in her eyes was still gone, and she began to cry, without explanation. —Dom, where's Dom? —that voice that I hadn't heard in so long, upset and agitated from being worried.
—Mia, Mia, calm down. Yeah? He's fine. —I tried to calm him down, the moment the doctors entered the room, they began to look at those screens that adorned the room, one of those things was ringing quickly and Harry began to get desperate.
When those machines make that sound, it's not good.
She repeated over and over again; "Where is Dom?"
Adam came in and seeing her in that state, he started asking questions, and the whole situation was making me sick. It upset me too much, everyone's voices were equalizing in my head and I felt like I would explode at any moment.
—ENOUGH! —I screamed and ran out of that room.
I didn't care if they stared at me, I just couldn't hold on for another second. It was too much tension for me. Veronica came after me and noticed me desperate, —Love, are you having a panic attack? —He inquired with his hand on my shoulder as I sat in the waiting line outside the room. He was agitated and heard her voice without stopping for a second.
«Where is Dom?» «Where is Dom?»
My heart was beating fast, so much so that the noise was very noticeable in my ears, I was frustrated, my vision was cloudy and lost again, I was releasing damaged air and it was difficult for me to inhale the air.
—I don't like this happening, I hate it. —He spoke with difficulty, trying to inhale air.
—Your sister needs you, baby. —she said, comforting me.
—Why can't I be strong? Why am I that shit?
—Enough, Ethan. There is no time for this. You simply need to breathe and calm down. You haven't been having a good time.
—She... —he was breathing fast—, he needs me and I... —I looked at him with eyes full of tears—, I can't even be okay with her. —Veronica tangled my head in her soft hands, which felt like the tender wool of a coat. She calmed me by sliding her hands gently over my shoulder and face.
I stopped and hurriedly went to where Mia was, she was already asleep, she was sleeping like an angel. —What happened? —I asked, approaching her.
—Let's give her up, she just had an involuntary reaction. They are replicas of the trauma he received. —The doctor explained to me, already being a little calmer.
"Aren't you going to wake up anymore?" —was what Harry asked.
—Yes, this reaction is good, for its part, after the effect wears off, it will be more stable. So we hope.
—Get out, man! You're just a complete stranger to me! —The voice of a boy was heard, who was apparently approaching.
—I need to explain to you... please. I don't want to leave like this. —The man who was coming after him spoke. He was a man in a tie, in his forties, and small strands of gray hair could be seen on the lateral sides of his head.
—Sir. I have nothing to talk to you about. —the boy responded, direct, curt. —Leave me-in-peace.
—Please...
—Hanler, what's going on? —Adam intervened, approaching the scene. —Who is this guy?
—I've been looking for him for weeks and now that I've found him-
—This man claims to be my father, but I don't know him at all. And if it were, I wouldn't care either, it's not time to come and ask for forgiveness. —The boy expressed in complete anger, he seemed confused, sad. —I already have too many things in my head to add one more. These weeks have been a strong shock for me.
—Sir, you should leave. —Adam suggested, kindly.
—I felt guilty... I know I was wrong to disappear but-
—But nothing! —Hanler exploded—, nothing justifies that you abandoned me. If you knew you were so irresponsible, you wouldn't have gone to bed with a woman and gotten her pregnant and then left like a coward.
—There were many things... son. I had a family before your mother, before I fell in love with her in Colombia more than fourteen years ago. —confessed the man, who was distressed.
—Don't call me son! Get out! I do not want to hear you! —Hanler became upset, even more so, almost hitting the man, being stopped by Adam, who was intervening at the time.
—I realized that all the money in the world cannot fill the void left by family love. —he continued speaking. Adam didn't seem to want to stop him, apparently he wanted to know, or something in the conversation seemed to matter a lot to him. —I'm so sorry for leaving when you weren't even born.
Hanler clung to Adam in an instinct of defense, as if he could no longer bear being "hurt" and Adam watched in silence. —I don't want to listen to you! Tell him to go!
—It seems as if the parents here are just making mistakes and coming as if nothing had happened, without knowing the damage they are doing to their children. —Adam expressed, coming out of his silence, —It's too late to come back like this. You should go, sir.
—The man looks a lot like Emily, Dominick's girlfriend, don't you think? —Veronica whispered in my ear as she watched the scene.
And he was right. It's as if the strange man was the male version of Emily, it was a strange feeling of familiarity between all the latest events -. As if everything was coming together, as if everything was wrapped up and someone was starting to untie the packaging, which only seems to be true.
Hard and cruel truths.
—Please give me a chance... just one stop-
—It's not the best time, I could come back later, don't you think? —Veronica suggested, joining the royo.
He watched us all, who were watching the scene carefully. He felt ashamed and the light in his eyes was extinguished; disappointed. He looked down and seeing his "son" again, he looked at him with tears in his eyes, a look that was lost and left along with that shell of that man who seemed to be empty, despite looking very wealthy.
Verónica approached the boy and tried to help him; He received her without saying anything.
Everyone is useful in something, except me.
When will I remedy all the damage I have caused?
Dominick.
«At night you must go after her and kill her...»
How much longer did it take? What's going through my head?
Not knowing where I was going, I followed Steven, I was walking, as if afraid, upset about something. Will he be afraid of me? He was slipping into the crowd and I thought I would lose him at any moment.
«Do it...»
«Dominick...»
I walked between dizziness, I saw the people blurred around me, their voices distant, as if I were underwater, suffocating me. I never looked away from him.
Being close enough, I said his name so he would know I was here: —Steven, please. Wait.
—But what...? —He was amazed to see me. —Did you follow me here? —He reproached me as if I were angry.
—Dude, damn. Look how you make me. —I showed him my hands how they trembled when I was in his presence. —see?
—Why are you shaking? —He asked, still looking at my hands and approaching to touch them.
—Dude, damn. You make me like this. —I answered grabbing his hands. —don't you want to find out why?
It was a strategy. I wanted him not to walk away, I wanted to tell him the reason why I wanted him close. —Don't get away from me. —I begged him, getting on my knees, in front of him in the middle of all those people. —I know I sent everything to hell... But I want to recover what was of us.
And in his eyes I found a deep pain that I had surely caused. The blue color of his eyes turned dark, it crystallized because he was breaking, he couldn't stand seeing me on my knees, or so I thought: —Steven, I love you. And I'm in love with you.
He started shaking his head in a "no", some people had stopped to see us. I was not ashamed to give my dignity in exchange for his forgiveness and having him by my side. —I want to fall in love with you again. Because I don't remember... but I need you.
So, without understanding it clearly. He said it; —Don't fall in love with me, don't make that mistake, I have nothing to offer you other than my cold attitude and my insensitive reasoning that turns my decisions into the deadliest weapons with which other people's feelings seem like paper. —His gaze disappeared from my eyes. He looked at the ground, as if he felt ashamed. —I don't know the absurd reason that led you to approach this empty and inert skin, this hard and rough shell that I deludedly call the body, I don't know... and I don't want to know. You must go, you must walk away now as many have done before, you must, to be more concise, forget about me.
Don't fall in love with me, don't fall in love with someone you don't know, don't fall in love with someone who will never meet your expectations, I am not the one who will make you happy, who will make you smile, who will say sweet words to you and have affectionate dealings with you, I'm not that kind of person.
The truth is that I have not always been like this, it hurts me that remembrances of past and passing illusions arrive that made me rise very high in the sky with wings that had an expiration date and, at the same time defeated, collapse relentlessly in a sea of deceptions, mockery and frustration only to discover that I didn't know how to swim either. My heart hardened, scales grew that formed a protective layer, an anti-feeling, anti-expressive, anti-love armor...
I don't need that, I don't need them, so I have managed to survive in this cruel and ruthless world, in which a pretty face is valued more than sincere affection. —Her tears ran non-stop down her face and hit the hard concrete of the pavement we were on.
That is why I repeat that you do not fall in love with me, because I will not be with you when you need me, my absences will be constant and my presences fleeting, do not fall in love with me because if you are afraid I will not hug you or make you feel that everything It's okay, you won't get words from me that calm you down and instead you will only get laughter for your naivety. —he undid my hands and released me from my grip—. Don't fall in love, get out! Don't you understand that these hands that you seek to hold with yours only contain sorrow and destruction? In the eyes where you seek to see yourself reflected there is no shine, only disappointment, while this mouth that you want kissing keeps the taste of bitterness...
Please don't fall in love with me.
My throat dried and I was in deep shock and disappointment. He felt guilty for what I did to him. And I couldn't help but have to shed tears. —Go, stand up. It destroys me to see you lying there. —He bowed his hand to me to help me stand up.
And I prostrated myself at his feet, holding on as if that depended on my life, I began to beg him for forgiveness;— Please, please, Stev. Do not leave me.
And for just a second; I remembered myself doing this. He stood while it rained, and he looked at me with contempt. —I'm a bastard! I ruined everything, I know! But don't abandon me, Stev. I want us to try again, please... love me again.
—Dom... —he whispered, already crying. —When I met you, I was high and we had casual sex, you seemed very cute to me and we started to get to know each other a little more. —He still held my hands, I still looked at him with tears sliding down my cheeks. —I am a drug addict and for you I promised to change.
—But if I'm here... look at me. I'm-
—Is there anyone else, Dom. —interrupted me, cold, inert, distant. —I love someone other than you.
And then, everything broke inside.
Everything turned black.
My body stopped shaking, and I was left in an empty place, in a sinister and unstable place. It was like being thrown into the sea and sinking under your own weight, not caring that you were weak and didn't know how to get out of there. I was cold and bewildered.
No response left my lips. Simply something inside me grew; It was a feeling of bitterness, growing hatred, pain, rage, the worst? It was towards myself.
«No one will ever love you because you are useless.»
He ran again, he didn't stop. He left me there, with no opportunity to tell him to forgive me, that he would soon end my suffering; I cried too much, so much so that I didn't know I was there, ignoring the people who approached me to "help".
«I love someone other than you.» —His voice moved back and forth in my head.
Why does it feel so horrible?
Why can't I be enough for someone?
Why do I destroy everything?
Is this what you want, dad? Is that how you wanted to see me?
Those voices had disappeared from my head, deep down, I heard a whisper, so weak, so low that it seemed like the voice of a ghost speaking in my ear.
It made me very uncomfortable, because something inside me screamed at me that he continued to torment me.
Time flew by. Hours ago, I can't stop seeing everyone in gray.
Without any destination, I began to walk through the city, everything was seen in black and white, the laughter and voices of the people around me, who had a better life, a life in which they were not useless. I looked at how happy people had color, the one that had disappeared in me.
How could I find that color everyone had? Why couldn't I be like them?
I'm just that. A shitty person who can't maintain anything because it's no good.
I'm everything bad my father says.
He was always right. I don't deserve anything because I'm just useless.
I looked to my right and my dad was holding hands with me. He was guiding me, he wasn't looking at me and his face was angry, as if he had just done a prank that I would now regret.
Where were we going? Would I end my nightmare now? Why can't anything I do stay stable?
My father looked at me, squeezing my hand tightly and spoke to me, with contempt and anger; —You just can't do it because you're trash. You can't do anything because you were born to lose, to suffer, to be exactly what I am.
«If you become me, your whole nightmare would end» —he spoke.
And I believed him.
Was Steven really a healthy thing for me? Why can he cause that?
«Feelings attract pain, you must stop feeling in order to be strong; you must be like me to be free.»
Were Emily and Steven the same person?
Did I fall in love with both?
Why did they say they love me? How could they love an ugly monster?
«I love someone other than you.»
I let go of my father and looked at the street, I was on a parking meter, there were houses as if they were a suite. A beautiful place to live with someone you love or to live well with yourself.
It felt very real; I looked everywhere and no one was with me. I continued walking towards that strange place that I didn't even realize when I had arrived. Exploring and contemplating the wonderful landscape that surrounded that place. Adorned with a girl who kissed passionately with a boy; Emily.
She was here, in front of me. Loving someone else who was no longer me. I was with that person because it was simply true: no one is ever going to love me because I am useless.
But that strange feeling began to take over me slowly, its presence hurt me; and that voice said again to my head those words that brought me down so much:
«I love someone other than you.»
And it was repeated constantly, making me fall slowly. She didn't kiss him anymore, I let out a moan of pain, that pain that not having her around like I wanted caused me; She looked towards me, and her face became serious, but I saw no regret in her eyes.
—When are you going to understand it, huh? —she spoke, defiantly.
—Emily I...
—I don't want you to look for me. Are you following me? I can report you to the police for harassment. —interrupted me without stopping. —Get out of here and I hope I don't see you again, is that clear?
The boy next to him didn't say anything. And I felt even worse, I have lost everything that I once believed could have loved me, the people who loved me as I am had taken me out of their lives forever; I was alone and I could understand it.
Everything was true.
No one will ever love me because I'm useless.
But who am I kidding?
My body felt tied to hers. I was destroyed, but I felt it; security. Peace, only she caused that.
She turned her back on me.
There was horrible cold here on my chest.
«I love someone other than you.»
I moved away and the pain in my body was almost fatal, every step I took the pain increased, I needed to have Emily close, smell her aroma, cover myself with the heat of her body, make her mine, hug her and tie her to my body for everything. my life, I ran to her and pulled her arm for her attention once again; I wanted to understand why that was happening with her:
—What do you do? Why are you doing that to me? I need to be by your side every hour! —I shouted at him in a pleading voice—. I need to touch you to be okay, my body has been screaming at me since the day I met you, Emily. I need you to be well, to feel alive, to make you mine in bed and excite me with your moans, to hold you against the wall and make you beg me more. You drive me crazy with just your breathing, you drive me crazy with your look... and I don't know what else to do. I want to be with you and never let you go.
She was stunned as I breathed heavily. —Someone once said that addictions were a danger, that being addicted was a problem and that very few found a cure and escaped... but I was lucky: because you are my addiction and my cure, Emily. You are everything bad and good, I forgot you that time and my body was crying out for yours. Didn't the same thing happen to you? —I blurted out, rhetorically. She didn't say anything; as if she were paralyzed.
When I touched his hands, I felt an incredible sensation; A spark passed through my entire body and I began to shake a lot. Tears came out of me without knowing why, and the same thing happened to her. His eyes had crystallized when we were so close, nothing like this had happened to me before.
—Do you feel it? —I whispered against his lips.
She was breathing heavily; shaking just like me. —This can't be... I can't be with you because you hurt me... you-
—Enough... Enough. —I silenced him with my index finger touching his pink lips, adorned with a shine that I wanted to taste. —By your side I can be myself... I lose my fear, because with you I can simply be happy.
—I'm afraid... I tried to convince myself several weeks ago that I don't feel anything for you. —She spoke, feeling his breath very closely. My hands slid my hands to his butt —And I try and I try and my body screams for yours. How is that possible?
—Why don't we find out together? —I invited him, amused. —Before you I was cold and without feelings, addicted to all the pleasures in the world, I didn't care —I whispered, confronting his lips with mine and holding the firmness of his buttocks—, but since you arrived... —I separated his hair that hid his face between the movements of my head with his, his nose and mine spoke between them, I felt the heat of his body against mine. I needed to make her mine, I needed her—. Since you arrived, I have become completely addicted to you, Emily.
—Dom... what I told you that day: there is something in you that makes me love you, it is still a living feeling. —Those words, that desire to never let go of her, were incredible and I wouldn't give it up for anything. —that time I told you that I really like you and that I wanted to be with you because I felt unique... is still alive; I swear I fought and fought a lot since that day when everything was ruined... I haven't been able to get over that moment and I want to hate you, but I can't; because I love you, Dom.
«Because I love you, Dom»
I hurried to find his lips, to touch his skin gently as we went inside his room. The clothes disappeared when I was inside and Emily was already against the wall, with her legs at hip height, quickly lowering my pants, without losing the rich tenderness of her lips that encouraged me to continue kissing them.
I passionately held his delicate hands and confronted them upwards while continuing to explore his body with my lips, I listened to his soft gasps, allowing himself to be dominated by me.
His body smelled so good, the burning of his body screamed at me to hold mine. My lips longed to travel all that path of wonders that seemed not to disappear instantly.
—Do you think I would feel like I feel by your side for nothing else in this life? —I whispered against her lips, and she responded, leaving a bite on my lips;
—You don't need to say it; because I feel it too.
Or nah • Somo
She grabbed my member that was hard against her abdomen and without letting go of her buttocks and with one of her hands on my neck, I threw her against the bed, I finished pulling down my pants and her smile of absolute perversion made me fall in love even more. It drove me crazy. —Show me what you're made of, my dear Dom.
Those words. The words that provoked in me a curiosity to know what I was capable of. She was already completely naked and looked like she was daydreaming. Her legs were partially crossed, her beautiful curves and beautiful breasts stood out, her hands up waiting for the arrival of my presence on her made me worse and worse, as if a desire awakened in my gut to want to do something that not even I knew.
She looked at me carefully, biting her lip with great pleasure and the moment was so perfect that I could say that just seeing her gave me absolute satisfaction.
She sat up and grabbed my member, got on her knees, wiggling with her tongue every corner of my hot but hard member, letting out a moan of "mmmh" that made me crazy. Pulling her hair, bending over and reaching out to kiss her as I ate her gently and lovingly.
The white veins highlighted the thickness of my erect penis, the almost red head separated by the white skin of the member, they were savored by the delicious mouth of her, who enjoyed it non-stop.
The warmth of his mouth and the slow movements of his hands on my abdomen gave me an incredible sensation, we both moaned heatedly.
After a few more seconds of feeling her take me to heaven with just her mouth, I stopped her to carry her and throw her back to bed and after running my tongue over her legs and playing delicately but wonderfully with the sensation and tickling that generated my soft touches, I kissed her vagina and left a path of kisses which, she let out an amused giggle when she felt my friction, until she stuck out her tongue and she let out an agonizing moan when she felt her move in her delicious hole that made you want to continue enjoying it for a full day without getting tired.
—Fucking mother! —He whimpered, his hand on my head, burying his nails in my scalp.
—Do you like me eating it like that? Mmh? —He provoked her between moans and she responded with "Yes!" in a scream, feeling my tongue move quickly in his crotch.
His moans were like melodies from several songs that you would long to hear for a lifetime. —Don't stop, damn it! —while wallowing in bed. I saw her grab the tension-laden sheet that was moving throughout the room.
She brought her hands to her mouth, seeing that I pressed my head harder into her rich and delicious vagina that I didn't want to stop licking all afternoon. My tongue collided with his entrance, I put it in and out quickly. More screams of pleasure that became unique, when without warning, I suddenly put my hard cock inside her. —For God's sake! How delicious! —she shouted in a moan.
With her legs on either side of my hip, she in the corner of the bed and with her beautiful entrance exposed to me, she moved my waist slowly and increased, like her screams. —Don't stop, Dom! Do it faster! —Our lips met as he quickly put it in. She moved her claws down my back, burying her nails, making me feel even more powerful.
«Dominick, do it»
His hands ran down my back and stood on the back of my neck, kissing us non-stop, our tongues played like two of you will live attacking each other. From time to time she bit her lightly, feeling an incredible sensation, smiling against my mouth still without stopping moving inside her.
I had had the best sex of my life, with the girl of my life.
—If I died here, I wouldn't regret dying fucking the woman of my life. —I whispered before kissing him again, and moving my hips even faster.
My tongue ran down his neck, in kisses and my tongue slips. —I'm going to cum, damn it! —I shouted next to his ear
—Don't stop, daddy! —encouraged me.
And in one last attack, after so many back and forths, I pressed my member hard inside, releasing several shots of my semen inside. —Aaaaahg, for God's sake!
Cumming inside her felt liberating, like a gigantic weight had disappeared from me. Without realizing it, traces of my semen were running down her leg, we were panting quickly and she was sweating just like me. Our bodies were sticky from the heat we had given off, their hair was thrown out and part of it stuck to their foreheads from the sweat.
She smiled and looked at me panting, after a few seconds, she started laughing at me and I laughed with her, kissing her many more times, for a long time.
—You came inside. —she said between laughs. And I pampered her between small kisses that made her laugh.
—AND? Beautiful baby.
«Dominick»
«Dominick, do it»
And the scene changed completely, without noticing it clearly, he had a knife buried in Emily's neck. She was bleeding non-stop and when I noticed it, I tried to stop the blood coming out of that hole.
—Forgive me! Forgive me, Emily! I did not want to...
She was dying. He tried to breathe and looked at me with horror, he begged in small screams for his life, I wouldn't wish that feeling I experienced on anyone.
There was blood everywhere, the gloomy place was getting darker and darker as his laughter did not leave me alone. He made fun of me for killing her and I broke down even more.
—Shut up! I didn't want to do it...! You forced me!
«You're a monster like me, Dom»
And he laughed.
Being able to catch my breath after the agonizing cry of pain I made, Emily looked at me with great concern. —Hey Hey. It's over, are you okay?
—I wouldn't hurt you, I don't want to do what he tells me, Emily. Don't leave me alone.
She didn't understand it. Because I was too confused to understand it.
My dad wanted me to kill her and become her shadow.
Wandering like an empty man for the rest of my life.
Just like he was.
And he was getting it...
Emily | Five weeks before...
Remembering the current situation made me feel bad. I kept hearing the whining of the people present and it only destroyed me, I still couldn't believe that Mariza had died. Nor can I process the fact that my father has returned, after so long of abandonment, of not calling again or being more interested in his family, I stopped feeling affection for him.
He was old enough to understand that his money had blinded him and that he no longer cared about us. Mom never worried because she simply didn't care about anyone but herself; who played her game, because for her everything was.
I was a stupid girl who from very early on felt the need to want to feel love from a boy. The lack of a father figure? Don't know.
But I couldn't describe what a strange feeling it was to meet Dominick. He completely surpassed the ideology he had of handsome and tender boys, he had some tenderness that I could see, a tenderness that perhaps not even he had seen since he told me that no one ended up well by his side.
I knew he was a boy with problems, at first I didn't care at all, but I didn't inquire about him either, not until I returned to that clinic, to hear how a boy like him spoke in the hallways...
But it's something I'll tell you later. On the day of Mariza's death, I could not process all the pain I had experienced some time ago, because of her. I didn't even feel anything against him anymore, it was just that overcoming that would cost me a long time of my life.
What happened with Pedro, a creepy part that I never want to repeat again in my life.
The intense desire to have sex all the time, at all hours, because you can simply see that they enjoy it, I wanted to feel that I enjoyed something more, and no one reached that climax in me.
That afternoon I knew very little about everyone, since I kept feeling guilty about Mariza's death, not having helped her, supported her when she needed me, walking with her body there, in a box, knowing that she would not return again, that she simply would not be there anymore. I would be there more because that's how she always felt, invisible, lost.
I wish I could have done something for her.
But it's too late to regret it.
Nightmares passed, where she came to my dreams and told me meaningless things; She told me that she would come to kill me and that she would finish me off.
Every dream felt so real.
I could almost feel his anger when he spoke to me. When she blamed me for her death, when she told me that I could save her and I didn't. There were several weeks in which I didn't realize how dependent I had become on Josh, and in the disaster that everything became when I didn't realize that he didn't give me attention, not like before.
Many times at night I would get into his bed and try to seduce him; He accepted at first, but soon backed away, stopping me and getting out of bed.
Maybe I had noticed that I was just trying to use it to satisfy my desire to fuck?
I didn't talk to him as much as before and he kept calling; but as the days went by, it didn't take me long to face him. —Josh, are you busy? —I interrupted him as I looked at his cell phone, smiling on a call, without a shirt on and only wearing beach shorts.
His body was well worked, and I've been a part of it, every day when I see him training... without a sweater, ugh, he looks like the eighth wonder of the world.
—Yes Yes. Wait for me —He responded, waving with his hand, I heard him speaking very enthusiastically.
After a few minutes, he stopped talking and left his room, now wearing a t-shirt, and his arms toned, he can be seen with a little hair in his armpit while he put it on, it makes him so attractive... my goodness.
—What's happening? Are you OK? —He spoke to me when he had finished dressing.
—No, Josh. It's not all right... —I responded looking into his eyes. —Have you gotten bored of me yet? It's been a while since you passed me by as if I didn't exist and it makes me feel bad, man, you know?
—No, no... Well, come on. It's that-
I interrupted what he said, speaking directly to him, crossing my arms. —I've tried several times to meet up or finish what we started in the store a few weeks ago, but it's hard to get in with all those walls you put up, man. Are you afraid of me or what?
—No... fear no aunt is that-
—You won't tell me now that you're a faggot that I don't believe it —I refuted.
—No aunt, and I don't see a problem with anyone who is... simply. —he fell to look for the "easiest way to say it"—. There's another girl, okay? And I'm trying to be faithful and her accept that I live with you.
—and why don't I know him? Where was our trust, Josh?
—You don't have to know everything, aunt. Understand me. I have a life apart and it's not-
—What a private macho you're making for me. You've pissed me off already. —I let go, expressing anger, turning my back on him. I was heading to the room. —I guess the idea of coming to Valencia was to meet him, right? No wonder you didn't want to leave when so much time has passed...
—Aunt, no... I was also busy looking for you. I never suspected it had to do with your psychiatrist... and at that time, well, I met her and that's it. —he explained to me, as he approached—, everything happened quickly and only that. I don't want our friendship to go to hell.
—No, man. Understand, I can be a factor in that, something bad, I can ruin your relationship and I don't want it that way.
—You are not being hurt by anything, she understands that we have lived together for a long time and that nothing happens. —he was trying to clarify.
—Yeah, okay explanations. —I stopped him—, it's not like I want to live with someone I'm liking. He's not comfortable, you know?
—That? But what are you saying? —he was surprised by my confession— we had all the time in the world and you never made advances to me.
—I was hoping you would do it... and with what happened at your friend's store, I thought it was a perfect initiation. —I expressed to him as I picked up some things from the room.
—Yes, I understand but... what are you doing? You go? —He approached me in a hurry to interrupt my tantrum.
—Yes, yes I'm leaving, Josh. —I blurted out angrily.
If I do this I would surely do something to stay by my side, that's why I put him to the test.
—Why are you leaving? I do not understand...
—Oh, you don't understand... sure. —Ironic—, lest one of these nights you wake up and I'm eating your cock again.
He was shocked, blushed and couldn't even believe I had said that. But, he simply responded. —We'll see how we solve that, aunt. I don't want you to leave. —He insisted, and his soft hands, which were a little hot, pulled my arms. I gave up before his gaze that enchanted me. Having him close caused that intense fire that consumed me and I wanted to become owner and mistress of him. Possess it, but I couldn't.
—NO! Josh —I took his hands off my arms—, understand. If I'm still here, what you have will end and I don't want to have that position on my conscience. —I explained, already exhausted—, I have too much with what has happened to me and with what happened to my cousin.
—But Emily-
—Josh, stop it. It's over. I'm going to live in the suite two blocks from here.
That's what I said last before leaving his house. I gave up on the situation, I liked him, or so I felt, I don't know if it was his body or something else...
So I decided not to see him again; Maybe he had been offended, maybe he felt guilty, but it was the right way to end this. At the end of the transfer process, he left me money for personal use than I had, since I had no more, I decided to accept it; and after two days being there, enjoying the tranquility of my inner peace, I decided to go back to the clinic where I was being treated.
Where I knew he was.
Where Dominick would be waiting for me if he saw me.
And some things that happened there opened up great unknowns for me and aroused curiosity about knowing more about the boy I had fallen in love with for the first time, which I couldn't forget, even if distance existed.
Who was this boy?
His name was Dominick Larsson Navarro. Born in Barcelona, with a lawyer father and a mother passionate about her family. With a twin brother and, since they were little, they visited the clinic since one of the twins had brain problems and could not be a normal boy for the rest of his life.
Dominick needs more attention than normal people, since he quickly forgets actions, people and moments due to strong shocks produced by some act that causes trauma in the child.
Dominick will grow strong and healthy on the outside, but he can never be normal; Dom will carry out actions that are designated by brute force or under threats. Dominick will have late maturity, Dom will present antisocial traits frequently or intensively, he will not be able to process information as soon as ordinary people.
Current cases have determined that the young man will remain "as a special case" for the rest of his life, as a result of the anomalies that occurred during the kidnapping of the minor, caused by his own father; who was discovered, ran a secret organization with the largest human trafficking and white slavery network in the world.
Dominick currently lives with his brother and receives help from his acquaintances either out of grief or of his own free will.
It was what I read about him in a medical history that, with the help of my therapist, I convinced me to be able to see those files. So much information in my head could not be completely clear, many times I thought that it was a lie that Dom went through so much in his short life.
I decided to see him for myself, when I heard him dying at home, with his brother, who I had followed after leaving the hospital. Dom shouted "I killed her" and didn't know what she meant.
The simple fact of hearing how I suffered melted my heart; He wanted to know so many things, he wanted to know what had happened and what had caused what has left him in this state today.
Maybe I understand now why so many strange things happened, with him, with my family.
I felt bad, for having misjudged for so long, and having an internal struggle over who will win the battle; whether love or hate...
And it bothered me to admit the reality, I am completely in love with him and maybe this is what has always happened. With him I feel this need to be close because he simply needs me like I need him.
We are both young people in need of love and, something inside us wants to express it, with each other.
I practically became a stalker, Dom with an abusive father who had the appearance of a perfect lawyer?
That made me think of those words he said to me the first time we spoke: "Those who have been in trouble with me have said that I am a monster, a beast... I wouldn't want to expose you to my friendship."
Maybe because of fear of his father he said it. Something inside me wanted to find out, I wanted to be close to him to contemplate him. To feel it; that current, that force that drags me like the wind to his chest, that brings me together with him without the opportunity to let him go.
He knew basically everything about Dom, the general, what was necessary. Just enough, which explained so many things. Even this curiosity to know more about him.
Everyone here has had our nightmares and we have faced them as best we can. We have all been strong, in our own way. May others have to fight a little harder to get well; It is simply because your reward will be greater.
Judging and calling weak is wrong.
Like our world.
Many stopped seeing their color to see that of others, because they stopped thinking about themselves, because they give more than what is asked of them... And for what? How long will we sit waiting for black and white to disappear forever?
We are mature enough to understand that life is neither rosy nor perfect.
You have to accept it however it comes and instead of getting stuck in a hole, try; over and over again, until you achieve it.
What am I saying? I look like I'm from a motivational television report. Disgusting!
I can't think or say something that I clearly am not going to fulfill; the man who claims to be my father... I will never forgive him! Even though I know all this about Dom, it doesn't mean I'm going to change history for everyone.
I was ashamed to find him there, afraid, I don't know what would happen to me if I had him in front of me.
Should I run away like a coward again? Face him and stay by his side because that's what I want?
That day, that fucking day that came unexpectedly, when I saw him walking inside, not knowing how he had found me; Not knowing what to do, I just seized the moment: Josh was here, asking for my forgiveness, telling me to come home with him and that he missed me.
My only reaction at that moment was to kiss him.
If Dom saw that, he would leave. The one who ended up leaving, angry, was Josh.
But Dom never finished leaving, I saw him come back and take over me. Make my whole body tremble, rumble inside me and completely lose control with his voice, with his presence. No man achieved that in me, but Dominick did.
The man I love.
Hector Perez.
I'm Hector, Emily's father. A repentant father seeking forgiveness from his children, who realized late everything he did wrong.
Where do I start?
Several years ago, when I married Dahiana, truly in love and becoming an exemplary father, he took the reins of his family. In charge of managing the largest companies with branches distributed to different parts of the world, I kept traveling to different countries; be it to open a new location supported by me.
I felt the need to support them, to feel important, interesting and the one who could handle everything. Such actions completely neglected me from my family, making me an absent man.
Go from calling my family every day to find out about my beautiful daughters; to never do it again. At that time, it was just one. I could never be one of those men who fought with his wife for absurd reasons, basically because I didn't even have time.
In Colombia, years later, I met Nadia. A young 19-year-old girl with whom I had an extramarital relationship for almost a year. We had sex, but I never knew I had gotten pregnant, until recently.
Work was drowning me little by little and many times I would go home alone to fuck my wife and leave again, unloading the absurd weight I maintained from carrying everything on my shoulders, becoming arrogant not long after, pushing people away from me. around, destroying everything.
A few months ago I found out from several letters sent from Colombia that I was the father of a child, it was already late enough to realize it. I saw it when I no longer had anything to do, when my companies had fallen into ruin. Where all the money I had wouldn't give me back the valuable time I lost.
I was completely sorry for not being with my children. Searching for them was not difficult, and finding out that Nadia now lived in Spain was a hard blow. As if life was trying to finish destroying me, now that I had lost everything.
I felt a lot of guilt for having found out about terrifying things they experienced. The money had helped me find my children, but not get them back.
Money can't buy everything.
I couldn't buy the happiness or love of a family. Children will grow one day and what you sowed in them, you will reap.
At this moment, with the lonely cold and dark of the night, I was protected by a lamp light from a bar that would soon close its doors and I was telling this to a drunk colleague who didn't even know me, someone who had stopped listening to me a while ago. because he had fallen asleep from drunkenness.
I only felt deep discouragement and the strength to continue fighting for my children had disappeared. Dory, the youngest of my children, never appeared, she was already as if the earth had swallowed her.
I had gotten tired of insisting a few minutes on my children; minutes that I never gave them because I was too busy...
What do I have left then? Has wealth made me happy or left me with the smiles I expected at the end?
Was I ever happy?
I guess so.
Those days where I could enjoy the beautiful sound of "daddy, you came home" from my beautiful Emily. When they waited for me because they missed me.
When they saw me as a hero.
A hero who had been defeated by greed.
It felt ugly not to feel loved, because now that he had everything, it was like he had never achieved anything.
The memory of his dull, lost and confused look left me in a total trance.
Hanler...
Emily...
Dory...
The last memory I have of her is when she was just a child...
At the moment when everyone was already sleeping, when the bar had already closed the front door with chains; I destroyed that stupid padlock that secured that place, took out the chain and, trying hard, held the chain to a place almost eight feet high.
Where I knew I couldn't go down anymore or regret it. The chain squeezed my neck, which I had already tied and felt almost suffocating.
And the memories of an uncertain life took over me: "it was Emily, she was coming running towards me; I saw her small, I saw her bigger, saying those words that I had been waiting for so long since my return: "Daddy! I missed you so much!"
I saw Hanler say he forgave me, I saw my family waiting for me with a smile that wouldn't go away, I was getting them to love me, at least I could imagine it.
And that was enough for me.
"If you had been a father... you would have been the best father in the world".
And that made me happy.
Knowing that at least I could have heard something like that, on the verge of my death.
Dad, don't do it!"
That's what Hanler said, and I saw him crying.
For a moment I regretted it, but I no longer felt the oxygen enter my head. It was too late for regrets...
I ended up taking my own life, for having made so many mistakes, and for realizing late, what really had value.
And how it basically no longer existed.
I decided to disappear forever.
Sweet destruction.
<•>
Next episode:
Sweet awakening.
Two chapters to go.
Are you mentally prepared?